A catholic priest walked into the wrong congregation

There was mass confusion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What did the vegetable priest say to the congregation?

Lettuce pray.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Why did congregation leave when the Afghan Rabbi started talking?

He was a Torah Borer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediocrementor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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I went to a catholic church for the first time in years. The priest kept fielding questions from the large congregation, so I shouted out...

"Stop mass debating".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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The pastor asked the congregation to skip verse 3 of the hymn,

but they refrained from that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dutchraincloud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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What did the skunk preacher say to his congregation?

LET US SPRAY!

My 73 year old dad told this joke to me this morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/May_I_inquire
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.

Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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What did the Lego pastor say to the congregation?

"Piece" be with you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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What do you call a congregation of German ducks?

An Ente-moot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSkipjack95
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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Pastor dad-joked the congregation..

My pastor was talking about the influences of mothers in our lives... He proceeded to talk about how his daughter danced and had pleased Herod, and he offered her anything she wanted, up to half the kingdom. The dancer consulted her mother, who said she should request John the Baptist's head.

This, he informed us, is how to get a head in life.

Dad tears were present.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jman4647
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
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Pastor got the whole congregation

sitting quietly during sermon Pastor: Anybody know who the only person in the bible without parents is? not one raised hand Pastor: Joeseph, son of nun. a room full of groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollinBourland
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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Continuing on the whale theme, what do you get when a bunch of orcas congregate under a full moon?

A tide pod.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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A β€˜divine’ healer in his β€˜miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Since writers always congregate at Starbucks,

that makes every street where Starbucks is located a "writers block".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASpellingAirror
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
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Four Worms and a lesson

A Southern minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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My Dad's seasonal joke

There are lots of parks in my hometown and whenever summer rolls around lots of people congregate on them. To prevent litter becoming a problem the local council puts out more bins.

Whenever anyone comments on the "summer bins" being put out, my Dad ALWAYS says "Summer bins, some aren't!" and laughs for about half a minute.

I think he's laughing at how bad the joke is and how little fun the rest of us get out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FabulousGeorge
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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Parents attended pirate night at the church - find the pun.

The local congregation held a pirate-themed fundraising dinner, my parents attended, this picture ensued. I missed the pun out of the gates - how long will it take /r/dadjokes?

(spacing for mobile users)

http://imgur.com/1UsHwvH

May the best dadjoker win! Groan-inducing hint to arrive in 1hr.

Edit: looks like I have a lot to learn... Goodnight reddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emcniece
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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Why did the congregation leave when the Afghan Rabbi started talking?

Because he was a Torah Borer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediocrementor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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