Communist jokes are too red-ical
I think the girl I'm seeing is a Communist
She raises a lot of red flags
Why can’t Led Zeppelin use a pay phone?
What do the Soviet Union call the little hand on the clock?
What has five toes, but isn’t your foot
A church in China uses noodles instead of communion wafers.
Robert Plant and Jimmy Page had their tee time canceled after heavy rains.
The course was still drying the fairway to seven.
I'm not saying I'm attractive...
...but when I take my clothes off in the bathroom, I turn the shower on.
What do you call a dragon without any legs?
A dragoff.
(This joke literally popped into my brain as I woke up this morning, and is silly enough to make me smile, but I can't decide if it's any good).
What's red and bad for your teeth?
I haven't spoken to my wife in seven years.
I don't want to interrupt her.
Why did the chicken go to the library?
To get a boooook book book book
French brother and sister have shown ‘no remorse’ for assault in which they pelted their aunt with 32 eggs...
There’s a huge sale over at the Lego store it’s so popular…
…people are queuing for blocks.
Why do you never see a homeless horse?
They've got stable housing
After seeing a palm reader, I gave him my money.
He held the note up to the light and frowned. "Hey, hey, hey. This is fake!" he said.
I said, "Now you know what it feels like."
Why should you never hire anyone who is under six months old?
They don't have any solid experience.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
I started identifying myself as a flamingo.
But after some ignorance from my community and hatred, I decided to put my foot down.
I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist.
I should've known sooner. There were red flags everywhere
A robber broke into a college bookstore & stole $20,000 worth of textbooks.
Fortunately, the police were able to return both books to the school.
My 4 year old was taking her sweet time getting ready for bed and I said to her "quit stallin!"
She said to me, "I'm not stallin"
And I replied, "well, you might be right about that because you're certainly not Russian.'
I got nothing... no laughs, even after I thoroughly explained it to her. My daughter has no sense of humor.
Why do Origami makers never win at Poker?
Because they're always folding!
Some new information about earthquakes has just come out
Early sources say it's groundbreaking
Where do rainbows go when they’re bad?
Prism. It’s a light sentence.
Did my stand up comedy routine at the local knitting club.
Did you hear about the lady that got married to a cell phone tower?
The ceremony was terrible, but the reception was brilliant.
I lost the keys for my piano
Forget opening it, how am I supposed to play?
I asked for today’s date over the walkie-talkie, but nobody would tell me.
I know they heard me, they kept saying “10-4!”
What has 4 letters, occasionally has 12 letters, always has 6 letters but never has 5 letters.
You realize how I put a period and not a question mark? Well read it again.
Violence is never the answer
Unless the question is, “What is never the answer?”
Why did the Mexican take meds?
Did you hear the two antennas got married?
The wedding was ok, but the reception was great.
why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian
Did you know you can substitute lotion for eye drops?
It'll moisturize
(This is a joke, not medical advice. For heaven's sake don't be foolish enough to put lotion in your eyes because of a pun.)
Is it any wonder Bethesda can't make a good game these days
turns out the board had a massive Fallout
There's a big difference between a bee from the UK and a bee from the US.
A UK bee carries pollen, a US bee carries data
A is for apple. B is for bananas. What is C for?
I went to the pet store yesterday and the manager asked me if I wanted a male dog or a female dog,
and I said, "Bitch, please."
What do you call a communist sniper?
I never understood why the French surrendered without fighting in WW2.
They literally enjoy pain for breakfast and eat poisson like it's nothing.
Took my car in for a service today.
It was a real struggle dragging it up the stairs and into the church.
What punctuation can you use to criticize communism?
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