When I found out why I’m glad I didn’t go - the show wasn’t that humerus and the staff was short handed.
It was a light roast!
Anne Drew Diced Clay
It was an accent piece.
He was afraid he would butcher all the jokes.
I tried firing all my best jokes at them, but I just couldn't get a reaction...
A comedy of eras
Alzheimer's
But most people called it a laughing stock
So, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day. It was just gathering dust!
What kind of bagel can fly? A plane one!
I went to a graveyard the other day, it was really crowded. I figure people are dying to get in.
Didja hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!
What do you call a pointless pachyderm? An Irrelepahnt!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
Ever hear about the restaurant on the moon? No atmosphere at all.
And to end it all: "I bet if I gave you some thyme you could mustard a response to this complete a-salt on language, but for now we're just beefing around!"
I said, “No. I love Love Actually actually.”
all his friends told him he was really good at delivery
i came up with this myself and im kinda proud ngl
The humor was too lowbrow
Laughed more than I thought
jokes on me i guess
Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week
Me: because she's here at the table with us
Just for shits and giggles
I got a standing ovulation.
Would we call him... LOL Wayne?
I couldn't get a single laugh from the guys in the other urinal stalls.
The joke neverlands.
I don’t know, but it’s not stand up.
I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.
Its a sitcom now
He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up
Sadly, I could never get my jokes to land, and just kept crashing and burning on stage.
A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.
Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.
I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."
Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.
It was a grave mistake
He'll leave you in stitches.
That shit would be Kronk.
An inside joke
I love Love Actually actually.
