Why do people think border collies are such good listeners?

Because they act like they always herd you.

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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I visited a sheep farm yesterday and got to watch the collies working-

As the collies brought in a small batch, the farmer turned to me and said "All ten of em, safe and sound, good dogs!"
They sheep were standing in two groups, 4 + 4, and I was like
"But there's only eight of them..."
"Yeah but they got rounded up."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
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I'm a border collie. My master says that my main purpose is to gather sheep for him.

That's what I herd, anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?

Collie-flour!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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You don’t have to tell a Border Collie something twice

They herd you the first time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paisleywinda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine.

He’s a Bordeaux collie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acherion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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So sad
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I've trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine

He's a Bordeaux collie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie?

A melon-collie baby

-Calvin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GETNRDUNN
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
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Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?

Mango Lassie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 277
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxethOGrady
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2016
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I just bought a border collie.

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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What do you get when you breed a cantaloupe with a Scottish Sheepdog?

A melon-collie baby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccamsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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You’ll have to forgive my border collie

She’s a little ruff around the edges

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πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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What did the collie say to the bartender?

ill take a scotch life has been ruff...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaded_Gamers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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I trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

He's a bordeaux collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What do you get when you mix a border collie and a cantaloupe?

A melancholy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreemanForever
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
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Need help with a pun - Border Collie

I've been thinking about puns including Border Collies for a while now, but can't really find any apart from some "borderline" puns. Any Ideas, Guys?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/endout
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine.

Hes a Bordeaux collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spudgun81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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An Alternative To Trump's Wall
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πŸ‘€︎ u/douglasses2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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Why are Lab-Collie crosses so good in teams?

They're natural Collaboradors!

(Sorry)

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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He's A little Mellon Collie

https://i.imgur.com/OlOLibX.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malibu73
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
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What do you call a sad dog made of fruit?

A melancholy melon collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/singableinga
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What do you call a sad dog that likes cantaloupe?

A melon collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

It's a Bordeaux collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/huse789
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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What do you get if you cross a sheep dog with a daisy?

A Collie-flower!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommetucker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Early morning work groans are the best groans

A little too proud of this one...

So I’m on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...

With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says β€œJust so you all know, I’m on the call but I’m outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distracted”.

I couldn’t resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against it’s poor defenseless prey, I pounce...

β€œIs your dog lookin at it?

Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!”

I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and β€œthat was awful”’s... It was glorious. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another promotion for it.

EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoGaborio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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What do you call a flower that barks?

A Collie-flower

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomd0g
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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The blank face of the vet said it all . . .

While getting a blood test for our dog the vet explained that she would ring us when the lab-test results came in. To which my dad promptly replied "Why are you running a LAB-test when she is a Corgi?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/princess_eve
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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What Breed of Dog is Always Sad?

A Mellon Collie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceCold_Kelvin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Did you hear about the sad puppy that only eats cantaloupe?

He’s a little melon collie...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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What do you get when you cross a sad dog and a cantaloupe?

Melon-Collie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HHCIB-Channel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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A gardener took his dog to the vet...

"He's been acting real depressed," explained the gardener. "He just lays in the garden day after day, letting out these really sad sighs... "

"I see," replied the vet. "What do you grow?"

"This season it's cantaloupe, but I don't see how that's relevant."

The vet nodded knowingly and replied, "Well, that explains it-- he's a Melon Collie."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tribunal_Power
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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What are a dog's favorite vegetables?

Collie flower and barkly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ff0000az
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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Cauliflower

My 10 year old said,"Dad, who discovered cauliflower?.. and don't say Mr cauliflower or Mrs cauliflower or and member of the cauliflower family...!" (...Which of course I was about to)

So taken aback I said "it was a dog called flower. He was a collie". Best I could do in a tight spot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rc538
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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A sad dog in a fruit bowl

He's feeling rather melon-colly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonhinchliffe10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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What did the fruit-loving dog feel when he was sad?

Melon-Collie.

(I made this one up.. melon = fruit, collie = dog..)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueearth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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If you're ever in South Korea, stay away from the dog soup restaurants.

I hear it's full of E. collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jurassicbond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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What's Lassie's favorite vegetable?

Collie-flower

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rcbom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
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I gave my dog a cantaloupe but all she does is look at it wistfully.

I think I have a melon collie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boris_keys
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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What do you call a sad herding dog?

A melan collie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimedbystander
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Where do little watermelons go for the summer?

John Cougar Meloncamp.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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Why was Lassie sad to get a cantaloupe?

It made her melon-collie (melancholy).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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Melancholy baby

At my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, my grandpa says, "I always called Shirley my melancholy baby because she has a head like a melon and a face like a collie."

This was a decade ago, so it didn't make any more sense then that he was referencing a song from the 1920's/30's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/willythedeer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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What do you call a sad dog?

A melon collie.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
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