Collectively speaking, which are the richest animals on the planet?
Chickens... All of them have at least one buck.
Pets, puns and dictators
Help wanted from r/puns!
I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.
My ideas so far:
Adolf Kitler
Chairman miaow
Kitty Amin
Ho chi(huahua) Min
Robert Pugabi
Colonel Catdafi
Saddam Hussaint Bernard
Benito Pussolini
Fidel Catstro
I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!
I think my wife is covering my rifle collection with glue.
She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
What does Reese Witherspoon call her gun collection?
My collection of irreplaceable French movies was stolen.
Rick Astley doesn't mind giving away his Disney movies collection...
But he's still never gonna give you Up. Especially remastered in 4k.
The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins
They have no common cents
I inherited my dad's collection of shallow flat receptacles with a raised edge, used for carrying, holding, or displaying articles.
A friend of mine has starting collecting mirrors
Personally, I don't know what he sees in them.
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...
A woman was on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection
the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"
Pokemon cards? Yeah i've got a small collection.
My son told me he wanted to start a change collection.
I told him that makes a lot of cents.
What type of portal collects things?
Did you hear about the dad who has the world's largest candy cane collection?
They're all in mint condition.
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...
Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?
He didn't have a lot of common cents.
I have started collecting old settees....
My gf made me give away my collection of dead batteries
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..
..but I've already got that one.
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
My wife hates my collection of old snake skins.
So I have to keep them in the shed.
I knew a guy who collected watches
He would link them all together into a sort of belt — I thought it was a waist of time.
They're only called gargoyles if they collect and spout rain water.
They should be called... gargles.
I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.
More than 1 000 pieces of music by Johann Sebastian Bach have been preserved,
along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.
Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.
I used to have a job collecting leaves
What’s the collective noun for a group of Japanese calligraphy comedians?
I need a collection of these
Why did the bank hire a dog that collects sticks?
They needed a new branch manager.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.
Of course she denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
My private pun collection
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
sit on flour to collect nectar
There’s a saying in math that goes, “It’s as easy as solving a collection of symbols that jointly express a quantity.”
I though it was an odd expression
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
Rumor has it that I’ve been sentenced to the gallows.
Please collect me if I’m wrung.
Why does an otter collect parts for his spaceship?
So he can go to otter space
Why did the fool start collecting little insects after learning about covid?
He figured he needed antibodies
A woman is on trial for beating up a unfaithful rockstar husband with his guitar collection
The judge asked her, “first offender”
“No,” she says “first a Gibson then a Fender
I've just started collecting old settees....
I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
Well, it was just collecting dust.
I will give you my entire Pixar collection
But I am never gonna give you Up
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