City Pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ur_avg_redditor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:

I want to wreck ya vic!

Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?

Coz He'll sinky

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?

Their Brunei

Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.

I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"

The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin

Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!

The people of Bahamas think learning Capitol cities is Nassau important

The people of the Netherlands had a need to build a water driven power station as well as an overabundance of pork products. So they used 'Ams to Dam a river.

A husband and wife in the Phillipines were both very, very unwell. The woman was sick, but the man iller.

What's the average Senegalian's favoured mode of transport? Da car

Have you heard about the talking cat in Somalia that only throws insults? The Moggy Diss you

They are obsessed with John Cleese in Uruguay. They love a video of Fawlty towers almost as much as they love a Montevideo

People from Vietnam Hanoi the hell outta me

Rain storms are very rare in Zambia, but in Zimbabwe they Harera

Before you do a joke about Macedonia, let me Skopje right there

I've heard Swedish Ikea workers get stuff for free, they can just take Stockholm

If you are trying to eat Halal in Pakistan, Islamabad or good choice?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoghead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Beautiful city
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BosaKaczka
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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What is capital city of universe

University

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeriousDirt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My sister didn't get my pun
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahbeliever
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Two peanuts from the country went to the city, and one was asalted

peanut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrassOrchidBlades
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Everyone knows Las Vegas is Sin City but are you familiar with Den City?

Mass over volume.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?

A metrognome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/user05555
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phryggian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Ireland has the worlds fastest growing capital city...

Every year it's Dublin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourself2343
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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What is Satan’s favorite city in America?

Sin-sin-atti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andytheg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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What’s the best city in Kansas to play Hide-and-Seek?

No-peek-a

Invented by an 8 year old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GovernorZipper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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So, if anyone can suggest a city, I'd be grateful.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Which city will shock you if you go there?

Electricity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Which city has the most skeletons in it?

Lis-bone πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rozsaszin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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The best drummers are short guys who live in the city

They're metro gnomes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrkirby
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What city do the most successful urologist come from?

Yellow Springs, Ohio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What do anti-police protesters use to move around in New York City?

A cab

(It came to mind and I have no wish for it to be political)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassBoostedFlute
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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What is the most shocking city in the world?

Electricity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tome869
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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This just in: 2 men broke into the city bank using nothing more than a few mannequin limbs.

Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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When I moved to the city, I went to a bar where they only served individually wrapped cheese slices...

It was a cool singles bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Swarms of flying insects are threatening people all over the city.

The police have deployed all SWAT teams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Am_Cha_Bu_Duo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I hear that Las Vegas is the capital city of trigonometric functions..

It earned the nickname Sin City!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.

That's comparing apples to oranges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Long-Afternoon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Why did the city support the music hall being repurposed as a shopping mall?

Harmonic Re-zone-ance

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.

It was my Time lapse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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What’s an owls favorite city?

Hooston

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toast-Your-Wifi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I live in the old city of Pompeii

I suppose you could say my life is in ruins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFirstBobEver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What do you call a city full of blind people?

Can’t Seeattle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ccouffle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.

They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmanzero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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What did the city man think to the farmer preparing fertilize?

What a load of crap!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonBilal074
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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There’s a ghost that exclusively haunts city hall in the evening...

He’s a Night Mayor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Which city in France is the nicest?

Nice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyckt206
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Which city goes up at night?

Electricity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eyooji
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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What's a bodybuilder's favorite city?

Gainsville

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaaletram
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Why couldn’t the watermelon and honeydew get married in Atlantic City?

Because they cantaloupe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Why are City Morgues always square?

It's because of all of the coroners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?

Commander in Chiefs.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Our city’s main reservoir leaked and now water supply is dependent on a network of bores

Which to be honest I think is a pretty mean way to refer to our city council, however dull they may be.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Did you hear about the monster-sized piece of cheese destroying the city?

It's Gorgonzilla!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Zuul asks Peter Venkman if he wants to wreck up a city and toast marshmallows in the flames.

Venkman says, "Nah, I'm not a big marshmallow guy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theknight618
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I have decided to go to a city in SW France to study history and art.

I figure, what do I have Toulouse.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Las Vegas is known as β€œSin City”, but which sin does it represent?

NV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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