Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.

The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KatWayward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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If you discovered that cherry pies cost $2.75 in Jamaica, and that merengue pies cost $3.25 in the Bahamas, what’s the significance?

Why, you have just found the Pie-rates of the Caribbean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirjoseph62
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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Went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day.

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

Paint its toenails red.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MALESTROMME
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a bing, bought a boom.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheineken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Why do cherry trees smell?

Because George Washington cut one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogre_easy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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They should make bubble wrap with cherry shaped bubbles
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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I went to go shopping for cherry's and microphones the other day

Bought a bing bought a boom

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__st4__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Purchased a cherry and a microphone

Bought a bing, bought a boom

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/latelobster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
When I went to culinary school, the bullies used to cover me with chocolate and cream, and then put a cherry on my head.

Life was tough in the gateau.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I broke my dadjoke cherry at lunch today

I'm a fairly new dad and my wife was chopping up walnuts:

Me: my respect for walnuts has really changed for the better recently.

Wife: (looks at me funny...) Why?

Me: they've really come out of their shell...

There was an audible groan and sadly, I had to high five myself..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seipounds
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I grew up in a rough neighbourhood. Kids would jump out and put whipped cream, glacΓ© cherries and chocolate sprinkles on people all the time.

I lived in the gateau.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Went shopping for a cherry and a microphone...

Bought a bing, Bought a boom..

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the red cherries know who Jesus’s father was?

Ask Mary, she knows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeem
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?

You paint its toenails red.

...

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

...

See how good it worksβ€½

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried the world's most expensive coffee, Kopi Luwak, made with part-digested coffee cherries eaten and defecated by the Asian palm civet

Now every other type of coffee is un-civet-lysed

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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I've never seen The Cherry Orchard, or Three Sisters

But that's definitely something I'd like to Chekhov my list.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirillsimin
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Went to the store yesterday to buy a cherry and a microphone stand.

Bought a Bing, bought a boom.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mycareer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream, and put a cherry on my head.

Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Illegally recording a cover band playing Cherry Pie:

Warrant-less wiretapping

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmemo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair

Now we call them chairries

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malgoya
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Eating too many cherries can be a real pain

it's the pits.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainwalnut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
🚨︎ report
What has 50 legs and one cherry (according to my Dad)?

According to my Dad, it's not a centipede drinking an old-fashioned.

It's 25 Rockettes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCivility
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad sent me this picture and said "Found your new car, man! It's a cherry!"
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatDingus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Cherry Chocolate Stout

Bartender: How is it? Me: It's cherry good!!! Friends: facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bornagainciv
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad and the Cherries

This was a few months ago, and I only just thought of posting it here.

We were on our yearly holiday and mum decided to take us cherry picking. Driving along the road, mum told us to 'look out for signs leading to cherries.' In confusion, my dad looked at her and goes "I didn't know cherries could leave footprints. Hell, I didn't even know they had feet."

He laughed for a good 5 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
🚨︎ report
I went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day...

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/htimsmith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day: bought a bing, bought a boom.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspenTD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
🚨︎ report
I went shopping for cherries and microphones the other day

Bought a bing, bought a boom

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/retinapro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
🚨︎ report

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