Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.

He says, "Printed in China."

This is a true story lol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BasementGrowNerd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Pie Chart.
πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minewrecker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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What's a snake's favorite chart?

A hiss-togram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skp777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Pie Chart Of Egypt imgur.com/8Pn0UHC
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JD762
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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Me talking to myself: this pie chart is too small!!!

My girlfriend: it's a muffin chart!!!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamKayrox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Did you know the flag of Japan is actually a pie chart?

Of how much of Japan is Japan.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/p_9213
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Pie Charts
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fulua
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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If you write documentation for a pie chart, is it part of your dessertation?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dynendal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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I had a pie chart to explain obesity...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCorba
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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What is a Norwegian's favorite type of chart?

A Sven diagram.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndemerson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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My wife made a graph to track her periods.

It's a flow chart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hybridtheory1331
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Charts that show "stages of anger" usually irritate me

Not everyone has a method to their madness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Me to doctor: I noticed my blood type is wrong on this chart.

Doctor: That's just a type o.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdbacon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
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I’m okay with input charts, but graphs?

That’s where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saga7508
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.

I call it the flip charts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I was fired from my job for throwing a pie chart at my boss.

In addition, I was charged with a graph aided assault.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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I thought I would have a hard time finding a stand to hold my flip chart.

Turns out I did it easel-ly

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdSales
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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What's a mathematician's favorite dessert?

Pie chart

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I could barely make out any of the figures on Apples earning’s report

They were all iCharts

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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My dad went to the doctor because he was constipated

And in the waiting room he found a chart with the qualities of a "good poop". It said that one of the main qualities In the best poops are that they sink. They don't float. So he comes home and shows us a copy of the chart.

Literally like 10 mins later my little sister comes out of the bathroom screaming that she had a great poop because it sank "just like the titanic".

My dad wastes no time and run into the bathroom to check on the toilet and looks at me with a face of satisfaction that told me he was gonna do it. Then he said it:

"That's some good shit right there".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOscarFedz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Did you hear about the guy who got lost sailing from Marin County to Catalina Island?

He left his chart in San Francisco.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eroe777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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A detecrive was investigating a murder over at the Disney Palace

Looking at his chart of suspects, he banged his fist against the wall, "It could be any one of these three!"

Then, a silhouetted figure spoke out, "It's suspect number 1."

"The one from Norte Dame? How can you be sure?"

Quasimodo then steps out of the shadows with a knife behind his back, "Let's just say that I've got a hunch."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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What do you call a picture of a prosthetic toe?

A faux-toe

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Professor-Kinky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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Got the vet the other day

Had my dog in for a tooth extraction and when the vet was looking over the chart I told her it was one of his canines.

"No, it's a molar"

Frustrating when nobody recognizes great humour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Generic_Cleric
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
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Dad-joked my tea-drinking coworker.

Coworker was putting fresh water in her tea, which was too strong for her.

Me: Soooo...if you were to chart the level of flavor in tea vs. the amount of time you left the bag in the cup, would you end up with a steep curve?

Coworker: Stare

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindfire40
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Dad jokes that don't make sense at first. But then...

My Dad would always make jokes that no one got at first and then he'd explain and the cheesiness level was off the charts. Like we'd say "Bye!" if we were leaving and he'd say "Sell!" Or if were were leaving the dinner table we'd say "call me back for dessert" and then he'd yell "Hey, back for dessert". Everytime he sees someone jogging he says "leave earlier!" When we'd ask why, he'd say "well, if they left earlier, they would have to run". That joke is family lore in our household.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawkreddit
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
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