Me: A leopard can't chang its stripes
My son: Dad leopards have spots
Me: well what do you know, they did it!
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 14 2019
The most common surname in China is Chang
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︎ May 06 2017
career change pun
Did you hear about the lawyer that changed careers, threw her entire practice away, went back to school, and started a new business helping women give birth?
It was her midwife crisis.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 14 2022
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb
One, because we are efficient and lack humor.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 31 2023
I changed all my passwords to 'Kenny'
Now I have all Kenny Loggins
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 19 2023
THIS IS PEAK HUMOUR AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND
π︎ 3k
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︎ Feb 24 2023
Change my mind
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 11 2023
Change my mind
π︎ 65
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︎ Apr 28 2023
My son Brandon came out to me as trans and said she wanted to change her name. At first it felt like a rift was opening in our relationship
But she was able to Bridget so easily
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Feb 18 2023
When my wife said, "You need to do more chores around the house! I begged, "Can we change the subject?" She smiled and replied...
"Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you!"
π︎ 558
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︎ Mar 26 2023
Change my mind
π︎ 3k
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︎ Feb 03 2023
My wife is always complaining that I leave loose change in my pants pocket which wind up in the washing machine. She brought this up with her policeman friend.
Now I am doing 5 to 10 for money laundering.
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︎ Apr 24 2023
Did you hear amazon is changing their shipping options to only include 4,6 and 8 day options?
Apparently, they are getting rid of Prime shipping.
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︎ Apr 23 2023
How many Reddit mods does it take to change a lightbulb?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jan 07 2023
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.
[ The only joke my late father ever told, my entire life. He passed in 1989, this is his only contribution to the internet. ]
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︎ Mar 29 2023
I got a lame one for Easter - After the death of Christ, Jupiter experienced a dramatic change
He became Christian Peter.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 10 2023
Whatβs something that all countries have in common, and explains why their governing bodies should be changed over time?
π︎ 3
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︎ May 02 2023
Iβm thinking of changing careers and becoming a garbage manβ¦
I understand that business is always picking up.
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 27 2023
What kind of dessert do you make to celebrate climate change?
π︎ 27
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︎ Apr 12 2023
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colors?
He had a reptile dysfunction!
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︎ May 01 2023
How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. As long as they don't turn it on, it might not be broken.
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 19 2023
Did you hear Iron Man had a sex change?
π︎ 16
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︎ Mar 31 2023
I have a plan where you give me all of your change
π︎ 23
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︎ Apr 10 2023
Not everyone is convinced that more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere leads to climate change.
Itβs still up in the air.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 05 2023
"Change" comes from within...
π︎ 43
π
︎ Feb 15 2023
This dina change anything for him
π︎ 111
π
︎ Mar 14 2023
Stan did his first code change today
It was one small step for Stan
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 13 2023
I am going to change my name to 'Respect' when I reach an old age ...
So that when I die and get cremated, when my kin say, 'Respect must be urned', I would have helped them chuckle a little even after death!
π︎ 42
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︎ Feb 11 2023
Lt. Cmdr. Worf transferred to Deep Space 9. Once he joined the crew, he changed his uniform from gold to red.
Because it was a good day to dye.
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︎ Apr 16 2023
How many policeman does it take to change a lightbulb
none they just beat the room for being black
π︎ 5k
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︎ Oct 25 2022
How does a bird change a lightbulb with no hands?
π︎ 27
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︎ Mar 28 2023
Thinking of a career change
I want to get into the scaffolding business. I heard that if you get in on the ground floor, you can go straight to the top.
π︎ 16
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︎ Apr 10 2023
My chameleon won't change colour
I'm worried it has a reptile dysfunction
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 11 2023
I refused my son's wish to enroll him in Tennis classes. But he made such a big Racket that made me change my mind.
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 13 2023
Did you hear they officially changed the name of Las Vegas?
It's now called Lost Wages.
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 16 2023
Changing streetlight bulbs isn't the best job ever...
...but it has its highlights.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 12 2023
After changing 6 diapers in only a few hours I asked my son for a shart truce.
Only a few minutes later was I not surprised by the color I saw in his diaper.
Itβs kinda yellow greenish color that I couldnβt describe.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 29 2023
My wife asked me to change the kids before we left
I told her no, they will keep being who they are
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 26 2023
How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None- they like to keep you in the dark.
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 01 2023
What do you call a computer program that's obsessed with climate change?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 10 2023
What is the minimum amount of birds to change a lightbulb?
π︎ 227
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︎ Jan 08 2023
When my ex left me, she said I'm too obsessed with hockey.
We were together for 7 seasons.
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︎ May 03 2023
What's the scariest part about climate change?
π︎ 191
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︎ Dec 08 2022
How many cockroaches does it take to change a lightbulb.
I donβt know. They scatter when the light comes on.
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 01 2023
Voting leads to change
π︎ 439
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︎ Nov 02 2022
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
π︎ 149
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︎ Apr 28 2023
Just changed all my passwords to "Kenny"
π︎ 616
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︎ Mar 23 2023
My wife growled, "You need to do more chores around the house!" I shrugged, "Can we change the subject?" She smiled back and said...
"Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you!"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 26 2023
How many members of the Grammar Police does it take to change a light bulb?
π︎ 51
π
︎ Mar 08 2023
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