A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...

the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, β€œ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, β€œ No, I’m a frayed knot”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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Woke up with this joke from a dream I had last night. β€œWhat personality trait is the most cleansing?”

Good Moral Fiber.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lefthandedfreak
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Two men are having a conversation at the bar

One of them says, "You know, eating that much fiber doesn't really help with your constipation." "No shit", the other replies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneAndZer0s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Hi. My name is DAK.

Hi. My name is DAK. A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says β€œsorry sir we don’t serve string here”. He then proceeds to tie him into a knot and throw in outside. Whilst outside, a pack of feral canines attack the piece of string until his fibers are loosened in a disheveled manner. The piece of string them proceeds to re enter the bar in need of medical assistance. β€œHey, aren’t you the string I just threw out?” Asks the bartender. β€œNo sir,” replies the string, β€œI’m a frayed knot”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USMPShauserC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I pity the people who have never had a date before...

I mean, they're excellent sources of protein, fiber, and good cholesterol.

(I was talking about the fruit)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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*covers face with sheets*

FiBEr OPtiCks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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What's the Best Material to Use on Dirty Jobs?

Mike Rowe Fibers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDinkus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
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Friend got us good talking about food

A few friends and I were talking about our food preferences. One friend says, "White rice isn't that good for you, since most of the nutrients and fiber are taken away during the bleaching and processing. Brown rice is a lot better for you." Then my other friend replies, "You know what they call people like you in Australia? Ricest."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/right_in_two
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
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Husband's first dad joke as a new dad.

Context: Our 3 month old son had some cotton/fuzz/lint stuck between his fingers from a newer pair of pajamas. I was trying to keep his hands out of his mouth because I didn't want him eating the cloth particles.

Husband came out with this: Leave him alone LDJD. He has to get his fiber. Get it, fiber?

groans

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldjd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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This guy at the gym has to be a dad

I was getting changed while I heard the man next to me talking to his buddy about work.... "So yeah they were having this issue where all these rats were eatting the internet cables so they had to keep replacing them." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, apparently the rats were on a high fiber diet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zidolos
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Basketball joke

I was playing basketball with a couple friends and one of them made a shot and said "that's a three". I responded with "that's a two." He said "OK a two". At this point I felt every fiber inside of me jumping for joy at the opportunity and answered with a grin so wide it could be seen from space "Bless you".
Groans were had by all.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slinckkey
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
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Dadjoking my girlfriend while she spins fiber into yarn.

Girlfriend sits down at spinning wheel to spin fiber into yarn.

"I think I'm going to spin for a while."

"Don't get dizzy."

commence groaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gehalgod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
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