A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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My bandmates are getting way to fat

Too much band width

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?

A good rock band.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BioWoLFex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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A rock star's Journey

A number of years ago I was in a rock band. We were hugely successful, playing some of the biggest venues and entertaining swarms of fans.

The last shoes we ever played were on our world tour. We played the Americas and then flew over to Europe. We played our way through Russia and even a couple of gigs in China, before selling out our final show in Japan.

It was a hell of a Journey, but it was time for me to hang up my guitar. I retired from the rock star life and got an office job in Tokyo.

I made a few friends at work, and grew close with one in particular, Narada-san. One day Narada had the day off for a funeral, but that wasn't enough; he needed more time. He was torn between his obligation to return to work and his desire to have more time at home. He asked me what he should do.

The answer was simple. I picked up my guitar and played a Japanese version of our biggest hit from 1981:

Don't Stop Bereaving

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Former VP made A movie called An Inconvenient Truth

But he should have started a band named the Al Gore Rhythm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elusivblak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Why did the nurse get second chair in the symphony?

Because they were a Band-Aid

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anakin_I_am_on_PC
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?

Band aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheComedy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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A local funk band decided to keep their horn section of cow ghosts, despite them spooking the other members from behind.

Because a herd in the band is worth a boo in the tush.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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What do you call a person who helps the band?

A Band-Aid.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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My son is involved in the school music program...

I told him i offered his director some assistance. They said yes.

Now I get to be a band-aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yellow_Odd_Fellow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Columbia University Marching Band shuts itself down.

Yes, they Dis-Banded.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewArborist64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Nobody would name their band Pearl Jelly.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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My head lice are playing music out loud

Must be in my hair band

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Idk why The Police are being hated on sooo much.

I mean they have their problems, but I still think that they are a great band!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmenseDruid721
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I love the latest album by The Quilts.

They’re my favorite cover band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Dad picked up some cadmium, osmium, and lead

*Dad is hammering around in the garage*

Son: Whatcha doing?

Dad: I'm thinking about playing in heavy metal band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I want to post a Tik Tok video of me playing my guitar but...

... I'd probably be band.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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I was once in a band called 999 megabytes.

We could never quite get a gig.

Edit: I was aware that it's 1024 Meg to a gig, but "a band called 1023 megabytes" doesn't have the same ring to it. Also doesn't getting the IT wrong make it more dad like?

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?

Because of his contra band...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I’m not into Metal Bands....

...just into Rubber Bands!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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I just saw a concert at my favorite auto shop.

They're a pretty good garage band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I made a band and I knew it wouldnt go anywhere

I called it a band in hope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toeteba
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I recently found out that in most schools nowadays ...

Brass instruments are band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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i was in a band once

the producer said that we needed to have a symbol for our band. i said sir if we dont have a cymbal how have we been playing the drums?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brohemianrasputin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Europe = You’re up

I was listening to music with my dad recently and we were taking turns playing songs. I played the song β€œtime has come” by the band Europe, from the hot rod soundtrack (Hilarious movie btw). I pointed to my phone and said β€œEurope!”. My dad yelled β€œI’m up? Alright!” And started looking for the next song to play. I was like β€œNo! EUROPE” and he was like β€œI KNOW, IM UP” and proceeded to play the next song. Afterward he said he was just fucking with me. A true dad moment. Thought you guys might appreciate.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"

I usually have my band with me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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Donald Trump May be a bellend but I agree with defunding the WHO

Shit band anyway

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukedukestar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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What musical group do men join once they get married?

The Hus Band!

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πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Metal Music Joke

What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?

Nine-Inch Nails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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The best pun I ever made, true story:

I had recently joined a band as their bassist, whose previous bassist was very punny and also had a long beard like me.

I had made some unmemorable pun, and the guitarist said, "Goddamn it, puns must be related to beards."

I said, "With great length comes greatest pun ability."

Swear to god this is true. Only two people witnessed it. I want you all to be my witnesses.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Knock, knock ....

"Who's there?"

The WHO.

"The band?"

Nope.

"Shit!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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what do you call an orchestra on drugs?

contra-band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibur039
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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I have been diagnosed with a very specific type of Amnesia.

It causes me to deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no Cure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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My friends and I started a band called Duvet !

It's a cover band.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Superb Owl

Can’t believe the sky high prices for tickets to see a band at the Hard Rock stadium this weekend! Anyone heard of the β€œSuperb Owl”? Can’t find them on Spotify.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zerospan01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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The members of my favorite rock band all have leprosy

Their band is called Def Leper

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Augerbine_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I saw a quintet of starfish at the bar last night.

Pretty good band, five stars.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jewsafrewski
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My wife told me to take the wasp out instead of killing it.

We had some drinks, nice guy, wants to be in a heavy metal-band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zebjez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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Four women...

...who work together in a French restaurant, making sauces, decided to form a 90s tribute band. They're calling it Bernaise Ladies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Turkey Riddles

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

A: The outside!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?

A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?

A: Boy! I’m stuffed!

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?

A: The turKEY

(source: http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/turkey-riddles/)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Our band

I used to be in a band, we were called β€˜Lost dog’.

You’ve probably seen our posters...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadywacker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Dad: I started a band, we're called the Geologists.

Because we're a rock band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdinchicago
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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I asked my son, "Hey, what do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?" He shrugged and said he had no idea, so I answered…

"A rock and roll band!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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What makes music on your head?

A head band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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