I visited an online butcher shop today.

Google Meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Hear about the gang of midgets that tried to rob a butchers shop

They went away empty handed, the steaks were to high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G3ffr0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I’m opening a butchers shop above a hotel.

It’s a cut above the rest.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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What do Bill Murray and a butcher shop that makes pork sausage have in common?

Every day is ground hog day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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A man walks into a butcher shop

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks for a duck. The butcher asks him β€œdo you want just the breast, or the whole duck? We’ve got a special going for the breast.”

β€œWell I was going to get the whole duck, but tell me about the special.”

β€œThe breast is free, but if you get the whole duck it comes with a bill.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyingSpacefrog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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A friend of mine works at a butcher shop. Here are some of the signs he's made for the store. (x-post /r/meat)

Album here: http://imgur.com/a/yc3yJ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sup3rmark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Have you heard about the butcher who risked everything and opened a shop on top of Mount Everest?

The steaks couldn't be any higher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickN-Stu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Paul's an assistant at a butcher shop . He's 6 foot tall and wears a size 9 shoe . What does he weight ?

Meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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A Dalmatian stole meat from a local butcher shop.

Don't worry. The suspect has been spotted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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An Alien walks in a butcher shop and the butcher says"We don't serve aliens here!"

The alien said "That's fine, is the human fresh?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inkjetlabel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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An African lady named Betty walked into a butcher's shop and asked if they sold any chicken.

The man behind the counter sang "NOO Black Betty, ham or lamb"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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There is a German butcher shop that is just around the corner from my house that sells THE BEST sausages.

So every time I go there, it would appear I have taken a turn for the wurst.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadmanPoet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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So John just started working at the butcher's shop...

and things are going great for the first few days, handling deliveries, putting cuts into and out of storage, etc. After his first week, coming in at 8am to work with the Butcher's supervision, the Butcher decides that he can trust John with a little more responsibility. The Butcher is a bit of a perfectionist and he tells John that he has to be there by 6am Monday morning because a delivery of fresh beef was due to arrive at 6:15 and it needed storage and processing immediately. John was incredibly excited and set extra alarms Monday. He snoozes his 5am alarm, but his 5:15 alarm gets him going, and he arrives at the shop at 5:55, tired and slightly panicked. He gets into the back room and takes a catnap.

He is shaken awake at 7:45am by the Butcher, who is asking where the cuts are. The deliveryman didn't see John and so the beef wasn't delivered or cut. The Butcher was incredibly disappointed in John, and had to fired him because he had caused too many missed steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/howlingchief
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
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Our butcher shop just flooded. We had to move all of the meat to the top shelf...

...and the steaks have never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paper-tigers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2016
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My butcher is reducing his working hours

My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elquiche
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My girlfriend and her younger sisters (21 and 9) were adopted by lesbian parents. I'm going to be the only dad joke source in their lives and it's a big responsibility that I take seriously. Any suggestions are welcomed.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTHEFUCKUPBRO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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Got fired today; Dad could relate...

Dad - "I lost my job at a butcher's shop once; Couldn't hack it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gillsware
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2014
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Dadjoked a customer

So my dad owns a butcher shop.

Customer: how do you cut these sirloins ?

Dad: um...with a knife?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_Opossum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
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Just pulled a reverse dadjoke.

My dad and I went to pick some burgers up at the butcher shop, and there were flowers outside that were placed inside of boots, like this. I said, "That guy must have had a pretty severe case of plantar fasciitis.". He just smiled and walked into the store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inferno845
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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