A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Blonde: "Do you have any children?"

Me: "Yes, I have one that's just under two."

Blonde: "I may be blonde, but I know how many one is!!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I asked my blonde g/f, "What do you call a creature that is half man and half animal?"

In a flash she said, "Buffalo Bill."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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2 blondes talking....

1st blonde: "I'm going to be the first woman to land on the Sun."

2nd blonde: "Don't be stupid, you'll burn."

1st blonde: "Nah!! I've got a plan. I'm going at night."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?

She threw away all the w's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Three women were on the run from the law (A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead).

Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.

"6 please. I could never eat 12."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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So a blonde girl is deciding to be a videogame Youtuber....

After she makes and edits her video she starts to take pictures of her hands. Her mom walks by seeing this and asks "Why are you taking so many pictures of your thumbs?". The blond girl replies " If you want people to watch your YouTube videos you gotta have great thumbnail pictures."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.Β  I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'Β  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, β€œThey're watch dogs'!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nandos677
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I rang my blonde g/f to tell her that I was staying home because I had bronchitis.

She said, "Awww, at least you have company. I wish I had a dinosaur."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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2 blondes talking. "I had a pregnancy test today" says the first.

"Were the questions hard?" asked the second

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Two blondes walk into a building

You’d have thought one of them would have seen it...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".

"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What do you call a blonde in a brunette wig

Artificial intelligence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Blonde

A couple were watching the news.

"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident," said the newscaster.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing... "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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Why did the blonde walk into a bank with a bag full of shredded wood?

She wanted to open a shavings account.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Why can't a blonde dial 911

She can't find the 11

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrizzle86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I went and got some of my hair dyed blonde.

It was the highlight of my day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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Three blonde girls walk into a bar

They were all really bad at limbo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/husky_falcon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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Why did the blonde divorcΓ©e keep her bullets in the refrigerator?

Because she was told, β€œRevenge is a dish best served cold.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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What do you call 100 blondes waiting in line?

A Barbie-queue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Blonde: "Doctor, I have pain all over my body. Everywhere I touch hurts".

Doctor: "Your finger is broken".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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Five blondes walk into a bar

You'd think at least one of them would have seen it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?

Too blondes walk into a bar...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanhouston92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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What do you call a line of blonde people?

A barbie queue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DB-Frenzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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A brunette asked her blonde friend why she seemed so sad, she said I'm really upset because my cat lost his tail.

The brunette said, well why dont you take it to Walmart, it's the largest retailer in the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klmkab04
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Why did the blonde go through a whole bottle of shampoo?

Because the directions said lather rinse repeat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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A blonde woman walks past a store window....

A blonde woman walks past a store window. She sees a sign that says "we do not sell to blondes" in the window, but goes in anyways.

She finds an employee and points at a TV and says "I want that TV!". But the employee says "sorry ma'am, we don't sell to blondes."

She decides to go home and try again the next day. She dyes her hair and puts on different clothes. She walks in, finds an employee, points at a TV and says "I want that TV!". But again, the employee says "I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't sell to blondes."

The woman is now very angry. She goes home to try a third time. She cuts her hair, dyed it again, puts on makeup and new clothes, and tries again the next day.

She walks in and finds another employee, points at the TV, and says "I want that TV!". But for a third time, the employee says "ma'am, I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

At this point the woman is furious. She exclaims, "How did you know I was I blonde?"

The employee calmly answers, "Ma'am, that's a microwave."

((My dad told me this one.))

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsaFrozen2013
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Blonde jokes are the best

So a blonde, brunette, and a ginger are running from the cops, they run into a barn, the blonde hides behind a barrel, the brunette hides behind a horse, the ginger hides behind a cow, the cops show up and yell "come out we know you're in there!" The brunette says "neigh neigh," the ginger says "moo moo," the blonde says "barrel barrel."

It's a bit of a basic joke but it makes me chuckle so wanted to share it.πŸ˜πŸ‘

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamern1nja2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?

Because it said β€œconcentrate”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schneckesweets
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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My girlfriend dyed her hair red, saying shes a blonde in disguise.

I responded, "ah so you're a red herring"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSurreal55
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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Here is an easy three step program to pick up petite, blonde chicks.

Step 1. Go to a farm.

Step 2. Go to the chicken coop.

Step 3. Find a baby chicken and pick it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Why does a blonde have an empty bottle in the fridge?

In case someone comes and doesn't want a drink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milanm23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Why does the blonde keep her shoes in a cage?

Because the shoes say "Puma"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxGandhiLover
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, Focus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sackeridaiquiri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Anon dates a blonde
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_dinks
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2015
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My son pleaded with me to stop singing 4 Non Blondes.

I said, "Hey, what's going on?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/booleanBoosh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tommurray5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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A blonde, brunette, and a red-head walk into a bar...

You'd think one of them would have seen it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koravel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Why did the blonde girl stare at the can of orange juice?

Cuz it said concentrate!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pradan_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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