Went to a party where everyone was dressed as a birthday candle.

It was a blowout

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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The birthday dragon tried to blow the candles for the 254th time.

Btw the party was on fire. We had a blast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickySan65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2022
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So I made my daughter a birthday cake and decided to put the candles sticking out the sides.

The cake had sideburns.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2021
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Why do we put candles on top of birthday cakes?

It’s too hard to put them on the bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethJ2018
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
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My daughter always cries when I take her birthday cake away from her after she blows out the candles.

I was always taught you can't have your cake and eat it too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
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What do you call a sale on birthday candles?

A blowout.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarris5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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I was very poor growing up. On my 10th birthday we bought half a cake with 5 candles.

We put it against a mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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We didn't have 19 candles. My dad said the cake was "4" my birthday.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TPWALW
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Why do we have the tradition of blowing out candles on birthday cakes?

So we don't burn our faces when we eat it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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I wanted more candles on my birthday cake.

Oh well, there's always next year...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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It's my cake day and I don't know what to post so here is a cake joke

Why do we put candles on top of the birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Few_Ad7993
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2021
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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Couldn't pass up a dadjoke opportunity at my own birthday dinner

Out for dinner at a nice restaurant with wife and two teenage kids, we all order dessert, wife got blueberry creme brulee, I got baked alaska with rum flambe. Waitstaff knew it was my birthday so they put a candle on my baked alaska. Problem was, the rum flambe melted the candle. It was pretty funny, so wife took pics with her iPhone. As she was reviewing her pics, she dropped her phone in her creme brulee. I said, "I thought you ordered blueberry creme brulee, not Apple creme brulee..."

That was when I got the best birthday present: three hearty groans from the whole family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Dad's Birthday

So today was my dad's 39th birthday and we could only find one candle for the cake. So after we sang the traditional "Happy Birthday to you" someone asks how old he is. Looking down at the cake he suddenly gets the goofiest grin I've seen in my life and proceeds with

"I'm one year old!" He then begins to crack up...dammit Dad.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
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I waited hours today in the hopes that this joke would get set up right, and it did!

Yesterday, we had a birthday for my daughter. Her cupcakes had her nickname (Mae, like mine) on three, a letter per cupcake. She ate the A.

Around 10ish this morning I realized only M and E were left. So I knew exactly what I wanted to do..

When my son came home from school, he asked what after school snack was.

Me "I was gonna say cupcakes, but they have my name on them"
Him "...M and E?"
Me "uh, yeah. That's ME."

The cupcakes, I even took a picture when I realized what they said. Top two had candles in them, they are not inverted boobs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaeBeWeird
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
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The trouble with old age

My parents are in their late 60s (this is relevant to the dad joke), and our whole family was visiting for the day for my sister's and my birthday. While my mom was trying to fill the coffee maker with water my dad asked her how many candles he'd need to total our combined ages. She started thinking about it and poured water all over the kitchen counter.

My dad went around the rest of the day telling everyone not to ask her any difficult questions because she can't concentrate and hold her water at the same time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freetattoo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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Made the (young) grocery store clerk smile awkwardly while the guy behind me cracked up.

I was buying cake and candles for my wife's 29th birthday yesterday. The clerk scanned the cake and the "2" and "9" candles and said, "Oh, someone's having a birthday, huh?"

"Yup, it's my wife's birthday today," I replied. "It's amazing, really. She's already 92, yet she doesn't look a day over 90."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inane_Asylum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
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The birthday dragon tried to blow the candles for the 254th time.

Btw the party was on fire. We had a blast.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2022
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I'd hate to be a dragon.

I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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