As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...

"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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A woman actually wrote the song: "Itsy-Bitsy, Teenie-Weenie, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini."

A man would have written: "Itsy-Bitsy, GIANT CRANK, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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A woman in a bikini reveals approx. 96% of her body

But I'm polite, I only look at the covered parts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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76ers G League has officially hit Bikini Bottom
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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A lot of politicians use statistics like a bikini.

They reveal what is suggestive, but conceal what is vital.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
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A survivalist cooks ursa meat with women in bikinis who just got their braces off

Bear Grylls grills bear with bare girls with bare grills

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zatch17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2015
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Girlfriend said she bought a bikini from the zoo.

Told her we had enough zucchinis already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codyrowanvfx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
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I had my girlfriend help me wash my car in a bikini today.

Don't even ask me how I got the car in the bikini!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoyoteTheFatal
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit...

It was a lamb bikini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I saw a sheep in a swimsuit driving a sports car today.

It must have been a Lamb bikini.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/420ZeusNoScope
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Jordan Peterson is a controversial figure but he did figure out something interesting.

So he’s mostly known as a psychologist, self help Guru and β€œphilosopher” but he also did some interesting work in Marine Biology.

One of the papers he worked on was on how the nuclear tests in the Bikini Atol effected Predator genetics.

The results learned that the nuclear tests during the cold war disrupted shark breeding so much that species were splitting apart.

They called it the Post Modern Neo Shark Schism.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Being polite

When women wear bikinis they expose 90% of their body I'm polite I only look at the covered parts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imag6731
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Here are some good ones

Doctor:"I've finished the diagnosis, you have ten to live" Patient:"Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks?" Doctor:"Nine"


At the boomerang shop:"I would like to buy a new boomerang please, also could you tell how to throw the old one away"


Two elephants see a totally naked guy. After sometime one says to the another:"I don't get it, how does he feed himself with that?"


Patient:"Oh doctor, I'm so nervous, this is my first operation" Doctor:"don't worry, mine too"


A naked women robbed a bank, nobody could remember her face


A women in bikini shows almost 90% of her body, yet men are so polite they only look at the covered parts


"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?" Grandpa:"so that all of you can be really sad when you die"


Dentist:"this is gonna hurt a bit" Patient:"OK" Dentist:"I've been having an affair with your wife"


Men 1845: I just killed a Buffalo Men 1952: I just fixed the roof Men 2018: I just shaved my legs


A women caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking his stomach. "That won't help you ,joe, you know?" "Oh it helps a lot" says the man"it's the only way I can see the numbers"


"Honey, why did you build the child's bed so high?" "We can hear it better if he falls out"


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πŸ‘€︎ u/Black_Mutant
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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What do you call a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swim-suit?

A Lamb Bikini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.

It was a lamb bikini.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I just saw a scantily-clad sheep driving a sports car

it was in a lamb bikini

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smartasskicker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep....

.. It was a lamb bikini.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/air28uk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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