Did you know Bennie and The Jets were the first group to social distance ?

They were so spaced-out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borg6510
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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You know, those Captain Benny's restaurants...

Are really ship shape

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laolao72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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Once there was a young man called Benny who rescued a leprechaun....

... In return the leprechaun said he would live young and healthy forever as long as he never shaved his beard. Benny live for many, many, many years always young and healthy and had a glorious beard. One day, as can happen to any man, Benny met a beautiful woman. After a wonderful courtship he asked her to marry him. She agreed on the condition that he shave his beard. Benny thought about this for a long time and tried a few things like trimming his beard really short to see what would happen. When nothing happened he decided he could probably risk shaving his beard but leaving his mustache and sideburns. As soon as you finish shaving the leprechaun appeared, shook his head, and snapped his fingers. Benny immediately dropped to the floor and turned into a pile of dust. His fiance was so upset that she could not bear to part with him. So she put his dust into a beautiful Grecian urn. Which just goes to show a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fedoranz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wehavechocolate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?' he said...

'No, just up to your neck'

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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This hurts me from my head tomatoes
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes

My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....

A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.

When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.

Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.

Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.

POOF!!

He was an urn.

What's the moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CandyceCox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, β€œHey, how do I get to the other side of the river?”

The other man responds, β€œYou are on the other side of the river.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suuuuuuuure
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
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Before she got her monkey, Dora the Explorer used to have a cute little pet calf.

He was a Dora bull.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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Big Nose

There's a guy, we'll call him Benny. Benny has a wooden eye, and isn't too popular with the ladies. One day, the guys go to Benny and say "Hey Benny, there's a dance going on downtown. Come join us and you'll meet someone, we're sure of it!"

Benny agrees and heads to the dance. Across the way he spots a lady who he fancies. She is known around town of having a really REALLY big nose. She isn't too popular with the fellas. He decides with his wooden eye to go ask her to dance. He walks up to her and asks "Would you like to dance?" She looks up at him and responds "Would I?"

He fumes and looks at her, saying angrily "Big nose! Big nose!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtanosIskandar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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My Dad's go-to story joke

So my dad pretty much lays this one on every friend of mine he ever meets.

There once was this man named Benny, who had the strongest desire to live forever. The devil knew these desires, and arose out of the dephts to make a deal with Benny.

The deal stated that, in exchange for Benny's soul, he would be gifted with immortality. The only condition was that Benny could not shave any part of his body, ever, or he would be instantly transformed into an urn.

Benny went on with his now unending life and found himself falling in love with a girl shortly after accepting this deal with the devil. The girl however. Would not love him back because of his ridiculously long hair covering his entire body. It was said that the hair from his knuckles would sweep the floor when he walked into the room, and he would constantly trip himself on his beard.

The girl eventually died and Benny fell into a deep depression. He decided it would be best to end his misery by going to a barbershop, and getting a shave. He sat in the barber's seat, and as soon as the blade reached his skin, he was transformed, and all that remained in the seat was a large, metal urn.

The moral of the story... A Benny Shaved is a Benny Urned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRagingKoala
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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