I'm immediately rolled on my back and started shouting "Ringo, Paul help I've landed on my back again. Help"
Trunk's at the front.
Is this stool taken?
BAH HUMBUG!
Apparently there's a nasty bug going round!
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
more like dad revelations. I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk.
Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. Probably 40 of the little suckers. I had to text my wife about that one. "Honey, I've got bad news. Our bag of bird feed has been infested with beetles. Yes, our bird feed has been infested with... more bird feed."
Anyway, just thought I would share. Carry on with the groaners.
He was on duty.
I chose the smaller one of course! It’s the lesser of the two weevils.
...needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
He’s a scarab.
Turds With Friends
One says to the other, 'I thought I was the only beetle around these parts. Where are you from?'
The other responds, 'Who, me? I was born in bread right here.'
That shit's gonna be ballin'.
Is it John, George, Paul or Ringo?
Dad: "Is it a Liverpool Beetle?" Me: "I don't know...what do they look like?" Dad: "When they're young they have long shaggy black hair and wear a suit. When they get older they look like hippies but vary..." Me: "Just stop, dad."
Me: "Oh, hey, there's a beetle on my glove!"
Dad: "Which one? John, Paul, Ringo, or George?"
Me: "...Ugh. Jeez."
"Hey, you can see all the junk inside her trunk."
Ladies and gentleman, Hoboes and tramps, Cross-eyed beetles, And bow-legged ants. Pull up a seat, And sit on the floor.
I'm going to tell you a story I know nothing about.
One dark day, In the middle of the night. Two dead boys, They stood up to fight.
Back to back They faced each other. Drew their swords, And shot each other. The deaf policeman heard it all, She came to shoot those two dead boys.
Don't believe this lie is true? Go ahead, ask the blind man. He saw it, too.
//Don't know who to credit this, it's a poem my parents taught me at a young age.
Me: Stomping on beetle Dad: What are you doing over there? Me: Trying to kill this beetle. Dad: Which Beatle? John Lennon? Ringo Starr? Paul McCartney? Me: Haha no. stomping vigorously It's the stupid kind that doesn't DIE! Dad: ...Well we know it isn't Lennon.
My friend's dad passed away earlier this year, but pulled off a spectacular dad joke at his funeral. One of the songs he requested was 'here comes the sun' by the beetles...
...to be played as his son approached the front of the church to deliver his speech.
RIP David.
Me: Ew Dad there's a beetle on the wall!
Dad: Wait which one?
Me: The wall right across from me!
Dad: No! Which Beatle? Ringo? John?
He hasn't stopped laughing and won't help me get the beetle.
I bought a 2004 VW Beetle Turbo a few months ago. While driving down the road, I heard a sort of mechanical shifting sound whenever I went over 45 MPH. I didn't think anything of it at first, but it continued every single time. I finally turned to Google to make sure my car wasn't broken. Found out that the Turbo models have a hidden spoiler at the top of the rear windshield that pops out at high speeds.
Relaying the story to my friend later, I told her, "I guess the dealership should have given me a....spoiler alert."
...and loudly shouts out that it's a Beetle.
To which my dad replies, stone faced, "Which one? John, Paul, George or Ringo?".
Me: I couldn't get to sleep for ages because there was a beetle in my room that kept flying at me.
Dad: Was it John, Paul, George or Ringo?
Me: Oh jesus christ...
Commence him laughing heartily.
She hands me a wadded up paper towel and says "Throw this away outside. It's some kind of beetle. I don't know if it's dead or alive." I responded "Awww, couldn't you just 'let it be'?"
How many elephants can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle?
- 2 in the front and 2 in the back.
How do you tell if there is an elephant in the fridge?
There's a footprint in the butter.
How do you tell if there is two elephants in the fridge?
There's two footprints in the butter.
How do you tell if there is three elephants in the fridge?
You can't close the door.
How do you tell if there is four elephants in the fridge?
There's a Volkswagen out front.
I need insect puns for the the name of a company who makes food out of edible bugs. It's a packaging project for a graphic design class. I think I'm going with trail mix and the three bugs I'm using are a beetle, cicada, and horn worm. If that helps at all. I would be eternally grateful!!
Is this stool taken?
.. and asks, “Is this stool taken?”
Is this stool taken?
