Battling Puns

You know what they say, good fences make good neighbors.

I guess they were the champignons

I've finally kicked the habit.

gorilla warfare.

They're bread for pain

A Warsaw.

It’s called War and Peas.

I felt your presents!

For the Confederacy, it all went South from there

I guess we can finally say 2020 won :/

Happy new year people!!

2021

The Germans could nazi each other

Bubble rap

Ended in a custardy battle.

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.

Apparently they're mixed up in a custardy battle

"Where are the reinforcemints"

A jerk off

It was a protracted battle

It’s rarely mentioned by historians though because it was only considered cow-lateral damage.

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

I don’t know why

I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!

Rüdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rüdoff det røde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, Rüdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rüdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

Rüdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

Therapist: I’m glad that you are finally battling your Damons.

Sir Prise

A diss appointment.

Well armed.

I sadly lost my case.

He was finally defeeted.

Verdun here...

He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.

During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."

The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"

The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"

With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.

"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.

The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."

Should I call him Bach?

It was against all odds

Defeated

They said she had a mean flow

gorilla warfare.

Well armed