What is the difference of a dog and a can of baked beans?

Well you see, the resemblance is un-canny.

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📅︎ Jan 29 2021
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I just spilt baked beans everywhere.

In Heinz-sight, that was a bad idea

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📅︎ Nov 26 2020
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What happened to the baked beans that took a trip around Australia?

They ended up in Cairns

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📅︎ Sep 04 2020
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What do you get when you eat a peanut butter & baked bean sandwich?

A fart that sticks to the roof of your butt.

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👤︎ u/bad11ama
📅︎ Apr 26 2020
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So my daughter was eating leftover baked beans for lunch, and she said really likes them...

I told she could be my Beanie Baby!

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📅︎ Nov 29 2019
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Baked beans and egg salad:

The original reason why motorcycles don't have doors.

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👤︎ u/Jan_Tik
📅︎ Sep 28 2019
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I think I put too many baked beans in my eyes

It was a poor decision, in Heinz sight.

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📅︎ Jul 17 2019
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I've been living on cans of baked beans for a week now.

I don't know how they've supported my weight.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Dec 05 2018
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I guess Bush's Baked Beans recipe is kept secret by not spilling the beans.

Yeah. I'll leave now.

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📅︎ May 10 2015
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I put some baked beans on my eyes the other day...

In heinz-sight, it wasn't a great idea

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📅︎ Jul 08 2017
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There's a company that sells baked beans, each can has 239 of them.

Because if they had one more, they'd be too farty.

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📅︎ Sep 17 2013
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Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good

Jack and the beans talk

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👤︎ u/jnr_jinx
📅︎ Sep 10 2020
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Making beans

My grandfather used to say when making baked beans you need to use exactly 239. Anymore and they would be too farty

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📅︎ Sep 10 2020
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What's a stoner's favorite food?

Baked beans.

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📅︎ Jun 21 2020
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My Waitress Tonight Told I Had To Post This

Scene: Dinner for my mom's birthday at a very nice (expensive) restaurant.

Waitress: Your steak comes with a choice of the vegetable of the day or a twice baked potato.

Me: Are twice baked potatoes and refried beans prepared similar ways or is that just a naming coincidence?

W: Laughing Oh my God. Our bartender and I were just talking about funny "dad jokes" on reddit! I didn't expect to hear one in person. Do you use reddit?

M: Umm... Yeah... I actually follow r/dadjokes but I'm not a dad and

W: You should post that joke there!

I have no idea if she will see this but my wife said I had to let everyone know about a redditor interaction. I hope she does because the food was awesome and she was a fantastic waitress beyond being a fellow redditor.

I still have no idea if twice baked potatoes and refried beans have any link...

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📅︎ Jan 06 2019
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What do you call beans that are seasoned with marijuana?

Baked beans.

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📅︎ Oct 14 2018
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My grandad usually isn't funny.

And this probably wasn't as funny as it sounds but i laughed so much. Somehow he managed to open the fridge so heavy handedly a bowl of baked beans fell out and all over him and he yelled "I'VE BEAN HAD" I can't help but chuckle still, what a guy.

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📅︎ Apr 24 2015
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Was so bad it took me a few seconds to get

Me doing a school assignment on the search for extraterrestrial life Dad: Why are you doing a project on Martians?

Me: They're not Martians but they might be Kepler 22b'ns

Dad: Any relation to baked beans?

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👤︎ u/yelruho_21
📅︎ May 05 2015
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Dad is full of hot air

I was having dinner with a friend's family. Her grandmother starts telling us about her secret to cooking digestible beans. She says the secret is to boil them with a little baking soda to release excess gas.

Her dad is listening and perks up when she says this. "you know her real secret right? She only cooks 239 beans at a time"

We all look at him puzzled, grandma included.

"Well if she cooked one more they would be too farty!" (240)

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👤︎ u/-MOPPET-
📅︎ Aug 01 2015
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Two baked beans were travelling around Australia, do you know where they ended up?

In cairns

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👤︎ u/ImElyk
📅︎ Jan 23 2019
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