The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.
I told her to leave it in the carton.
I've probably told checkers that 100 times, and not once did they get the joke.
I was in a grocery store when a man started to throw cheese,butter and yoghurt at me.
Dad jokes in the wild: I was shopping at a grocery store and a young kid was restocking bricks of butter, and he dropped a couple right in front of me…
I said “woah, Butter fingers!”
I was pushing my daughter in a stroller and The young girl he was working with snorted and said “at least you’re a dad, you’re allowed to make bad jokes”
Proud moment.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
‘No, just leave it in the carton!’
Soup is flying off the shelves at the grocery store.
I got in trouble at the grocery store.
I very much misunderstood the cashier when she said "strip down and face me."
The cashier at the grocery store said he sees dead people
He must have the Six Cents
There was a guy with bushy white hair in the front of the line at the grocery store.
All I could think was "He's a queue tip."
So I was at the grocery store last night looking for some soy sauce, and I asked a staff member which one I should purchase. I couldn't tell the difference.
He said, "We're about to close, but come back and I'll Shoyu Tamari"
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
A Terminator works at my grocery store.
I asked him where the laundry detergent was.
He said, “Aisle B, back.”
Saw a cute cashier at the grocery store,
I work as a cashier at a grocery store...
A woman's change came up to $1.02. I leapt on the opportunity for a dad joke, and as I was handing her the pennies, I said:
"Now, if anyone asks, you have my two cents about it."
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
Found at the grocery store
I wrote down all of the things my wife wants me to buy from the produce section at the grocery store...
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
I picked up a couple of orchids at the grocery store
Now I know all about plant parenthood
I asked my daughter if we needed anything at the grocery store. She said "Soy Sauce."
I replied: "Ola Sauce, Soy Dad."
The produce person at my grocery store said I should try this vegetable, “It’s out of this world ... radical!” he exclaimed.
In truth, it was just rad-ish.
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
There was a sale on citrus fruit at the grocery store...
It's for a lime-eted time only!
I was at the grocery store the other day getting flour
When a guy walks up next to me and grabs some yeast.
So I said, "A man of culture, I see!"
Saw this at the grocery store earlier today
Did you hear about the bread shortage at the Indian grocery store?
When I went there, they had naan left.
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
Saw an ad at a local grocery store, knew what I had to do
I think the girl at the grocery store register likes me. She's always checking me out!
I got both of my sons at the grocery store recently
While choosing a frozen vegetable to eat with dinner I handed my oldest a bag of peas to place in the cart. He looked at them reluctantly. I asked if they wanted to pick something different. After neither boy answered me I said, "speak now or forever hold your peas."
Both sons AND a nearby stranger gave eye rolls!
EDIT: I've never been to the front page before. Thanks for all the love fellow dad jokers!
Saw this at the grocery store.. was very tempted to get it solely because of the name
I was at the grocery store, confused about how much lettuce to buy. So I called my wife for advice.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Cashier at the grocery store got me...
So I was checking out at the store with my girlfriend. All I bought was toilet paper and bacon.
The cashier scans my two items and says with a straight face: "it's no wonder you have a girlfriend. You're rolling in the paper AND bringing home the bacon."
Definitely made me laugh, and he just went about his business like he never made the joke at all.
Sample guy at grocery store: You can take one if you want to.
Me: Can I take two if I want three?
My 11 year old and I were at a grocery store. I got one of those flimsy bags to put peaches in. The bag ripped, my daughter laughed. I looked at her said oh no, I had a Bagcident. She stopped laughing.
Found at my local grocery store and felt this definitely belongs here
Dad jokes at the grocery store
I was grocery shopping with my wife and she was picking up holiday hand soap. She asked me which ones I liked.
I grabbed two different ones off the shelf and said "let me give you my two scents"
Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?
Because baggers can’t be choosers.
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.
I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".
If you work at a grocery store and you pooped on company time
Why was the pirate angry when he was checking out at the grocery store?
At the grocery store, would you like paper or plastic?
Either one... I'm bi-sacksual.
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead.
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"
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