Astronomical numbers...

are really far out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steve_McGuilicuty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Elon Musk’s car insurance must be astronomical!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JingleCake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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What an astronomical development in space science!
πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tintedvision17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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The amount of fun I had while reading this is astronomical
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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The odds are astronomical
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashT19
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Man-made Asteroid Belt. Astronomical scale pun, now available on earth. jasonruane.com/index.php/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/username-root
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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Playing PokΓ©mon Go on the ISS would be pretty cool, but the data charges must be astronomical.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boydo579
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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A dad joke of astronomical proportion

A friend an I were driving home when I noticed two bright stars in the sky I knew to be planets.

Me: "Do you know what planets those are?"

Him: "I don't know... Mars and Venus?".

Me: "I'm pretty sure they're Venus and Jupiter"

Him: "Yeah, I had no idea. I just pulled two planet names out of my..."

Me: "Uranus?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangoodspeed
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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How do astronomers organize a party?

They planet.

(Yeah. I saturn one of their meetings, so I know)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.

They decided to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saiyyanwarrior
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Why do astronomers always try to lose?

They’re only interested in the constellation prize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmk100
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

For meatier showers

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Automated-Waffles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Why was the astronomer arrested?

He was watching a meteor shower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaWoaW
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Swimmers are like some astronomers. Their job depends on meaty oars.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/churniglow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43.

Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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What do you call an astronomer who farts a lot?

A gastronomer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_CDK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Did you hear about the astronomer who studied the moon for 24 hours

They got bored and called it a day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frenchstery
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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Astronomers before Newton were just goofing around

They did not understand the gravity of the situation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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My Friend the Astronomer

My friend and I were having a conversation about his career, he said that Uranus was beginning to collapse on itself due to the magnetic and gravitational fields.

Being immature I laughed, he replied with a stern face "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Astronomers got tired of waiting for the sun to come back up...

The decided to call it a night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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What do you call an astronomer with curly hair?

Copermicus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcmatt25_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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What is the first thing an astronomer does to complete a task?

They planet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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Astronomers got tired of measuring the time taken for the earth to complete a full rotation of its axis.

So they decided to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCooperTroopa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Did you hear about the astronomer who lost the star naming contest?

He was given a constellation prize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adryhanchurro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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'Where is Mars, by Jupiter?!' roared the Roman astronomer.

His colleague said, 'yes'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Why do astronomers like streakers?

Cause they get to see the moon during the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drondol
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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Why did the astronomer say no to Orange Juice?

He preferred Betelgeuse...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spip72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Astronomers of Reddit:

What's up?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeaChef
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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What is an astronomer’s favorite type of gum?

Hubble gum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebower42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Why was the astronomer interested in the buff actor from "Hamlet"?

He was Meaty Yorick!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SemperPieratus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. ..

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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You know Orion’s Belt?

Big waist of space, huh?

Didn’t like that joke? That’s okay. t’s only got 3 stars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirCEWaffles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Two Astronomers

Two astronomers are watching the world revolve around the sun. After 24 hours they get tired and decide to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lawlwaht
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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What do you say to someone who has been on the moon when you feel bad about something?

>You Apollo-gize

(From my son today, he has improved astronomically over the past few years.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waremi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Hah hah hah hah...
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Where can you find the greatest jokes in the entire /r/DadJokes universe?

The best jokes are always in the comets…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I looked into buying a planetarium

But the prices were astronomical!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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How do you know if a planet died?

You read it in the orbituaries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sausage9724
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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I love the way the sun rotates.

It really makes my day.

(Old one - A friend told me)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anuragkadiyala
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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I wonder how much the monthly bill is for toilet paper at the hospital

It must be astronomical!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newsubhere101
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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I was watching star trek and they kept talking about freighter ships.

I would imagine the cost of shipping between planets must be astronomical.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themonkeyswrench
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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Someone told me that there is a name for a measurement from the earth to the sun. That's pretty large I said

It must be one astronomical unit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterCheezOtter
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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How do astronomers organize a banquet?

They Planet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/txson1836
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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How do astronomers organise a party?

They planet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g8ed_manual
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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How do astronomers organize a party?

They planet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kazizxr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Astronomers got tired of watching the Earth rotate after 24 hours

so they decided to call it a day

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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