A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt

The man says to the bartender β€œ1 for me, and 1 for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?

He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Where do you bury asphalt after it dies?

The cementary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined

Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Did you hear about the rapper that had a weird asphalt fetish?

He came from the streets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivytheblindhusky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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So 3 roads walked into a bar

A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"

Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"

Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"

As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"

The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"

"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SurfingSherlock
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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What’s a more concrete term for butt crack?

Asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KhaleesiDog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I had a job busting up asphalt roads...

but I found the work degrading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Don't blame others for the road you're on

It's your own asphalt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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"The Road you've taken has been paved by your own decisions"

It's your own asphalt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drlawrie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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When a construction worker farts dont blame him it's his asphalt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Helpinghamburgers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...

But it was his own dumb asphalt...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...

...that's your own asphalt!

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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A man was in court against another man who had trespassed on his property while freshly laid asphalt was drying, leaving a footprint.

For some reason, the judge was in favor of the trespasser.

The man slammed his hand down on the table. β€œBut I have concrete proof!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Why did my son use wool on his minecraft airfield runway?

True story.

My son was excitedly telling us about his minecraft airfield that he was building, and he explained that, among many other details that my brain ignored, he made the runway out of wool. Other son asked why. I was very excited to tell him that it was because asphalt was expensive, and wool was sheep.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/millia13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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If you slip and fall in your driveway...

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flo_ren_tine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Not my fault, just my asphalt.
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isingthedarkness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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Why is it better to screw up on a road you paved than on one someone else paved?

Because it's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VBStrong_67
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...

Because that's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Things I learned: when asphalt became commonly used on roads, people got around more...

It paved the way!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Don’t blame others for the road that you’re on

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spwf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.

I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kristhebrown
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My mom said this unknowingly but it still counts

So I was complaining about where I am in life and the path I have chosen she said

"Don't try to blame someone else for the road your on ....its your own asphalt"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oilspilpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I told my daughter when she was whining to me about her new boyfriend... β€˜Don’t complain about the road you’re on right now’

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I told my friend to build a road from his house to his job

Now he’ll pave the way to success

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carter16891
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He shouts, β€œA beer please! And one for the road!”

πŸ‘︎ 525
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πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....

β€œCan I have a drink for me and one for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm...

And says "A beer please and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zander-dupont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt

And the bartender says "why the long face"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geeth707
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....

β€œCan I have a drink for me and one for the road”

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tpatt83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Dad joke

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. He says "One please and a beer for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpmastar2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm

He tells the bartender one beer please and one for the road

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turtlegamer22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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You can’t blame anyone for the road you’re on.

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decrepit-heart
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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A man walks into a bar witha slab or asphalt under his arm

He says one for me and one for the road

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saltator87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Slab Of Asphalt Under His Arm

He Says, β€œA Beer Please And One For The Road”.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatBrod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JajaBeans58
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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Don't blame others for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Don’t blame others for the road you’re on...

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itiswhatitiskid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Don’t blame others for the road you’re on.

That’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BamaPaul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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if you crash your car in your driveway who do you blame?

You can't blame anyone else that's your own asphalt!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suktupbutterkup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Never blame someone else for the road you are on

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzzusmaximus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.

That's your own Asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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