Ashley Puns

He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.

Waitress: my name is ashley if you need anything.

Me: what is it if i dont?

Everyone: groans and awkward silence

And my 9 yr old little brother's trying to learn the players' names and after he's told Ashley Young's name, he goes:

"what about when he's seventy? Will he be Ashley Old?"

I'm proud.

Ashley Medicine

My sister-in-law is pregnant with her second child.

Wife: "We find out what your aunt Ashley is having tomorrow."

My Son: "A baby."

I was speechless and infinitely proud of my son. He takes after me more than I ever expected.

As I'm struggling with draping a tarp over our boat before the rain comes, I ask my sister to come over and help. Dad jumps up from his chair and yells, "Ashley no! It's a tarp!"

So some background information. I used to play college basketball with a girl who's last name was "Pope", and we always called her Pope. For privacy purposes let's name her "Ashley Pope".

Anyways, today I am texting my dad, a serial dad-joker:

rugbybackliner: I'm pissed, TIME Magazine failed to recognize me as Person of the Year yet again! They copped out and gave it to the Pope.

Dad: I'm sorry, but tell Ashley congratulations.

He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.