Artium Magister Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

They were cooked in Greece.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

The following is a google translation from german to english.

Don't have the time to smooth (working on a different Judo project) but in general german - english isn't that bad.

Better than my english :) Anyway.

Designations for teacher degrees

The reasons and motifs for the names and titles of teachers are derived from their extensive life experience, their proven teaching competence, their position in a hierarchical teaching system and / or their role model effect. Depending on the situation and qualifications, a teacher can be given different titles. For example, the karate master Kanazawa Hirokazu (born 1931) is generally referred to as sensei (teacher), hierarchically as jūdan (10th dan), with regard to his teaching competence and role model effect as hanshi (scholar), as well as with regard to his function in his organization as kanchō (style board)

Sensei 先生

The term sensei , whose literal meaning is “the one born before”, basically designates a teacher in Japanese who, due to his age, is far ahead of the younger generation in terms of knowledge, skills and life experience.

Although the sensei is always a master of his subject, the word “sensei” does not correspond to any academic degree or title that one could attain through university studies. Rather, the term is an expression of veneration with which one addresses the teacher / master in his presence or speaks about him in his absence. As a result, in Japanese the usual personal suffix "-san" is replaced by a subsequent "sensei" in such cases sensei through his holistic work inside and outside the dōjō , with and beyond the practice of forms, a role model for his students, on which they orient themselves in order to advance on their own path. A sensei conveys his teaching not (only) through rationally comprehensible explanations, but (above all) through right action that can only be intuitively grasped. In order for the student to be able to understand this teaching in its depth at all, he must strive for a close personal bond with the master, which is the prerequisite for “teaching from heart to heart” ( ishin denshin

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This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap