My friend wanted me to slap him so hard he forgot about all episodes of The Science Guy...
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
Did I ever tell you about the dinosaur that mastered the force of friction?
It's a really gripping tail.
Dwayne Johnson is a master of origami...
As his apprentice, I once assisted him at an exhibition and managed to lose the cutting implement he uses to prepare the paper for folding. I can’t believe I lost The Rock’s Paper Scissors.
I had so many rats for the science experiment, I had to assign them letters of the alphabet.
One of them protested, but he was just being a B rat.
I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
A master woodworker needed transportation, so he built a motorcycle out of the best lumber in the workshop.
A computer science student attended a gender studies lecture
When nonbinary gender was being discussed they immediately shouted "Which gender is one and which is 0"
At a science lab I saw a very depressed-looking skeleton sitting in the corner.
The lab tech said the skeleton had nobody.
Origami masters make for terrible poker players.
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
The science guy created a potentially world destroying acid/toxic waste
What did the science teacher yell to his loud class?
My friend studies the science of unspecialized cells that can divide to produce some cells that are destined to become specialized....
My son's science fair entry was a volcano made of a fat product from rendering the fatty tissue of a pig. My son's fat teacher waddled around everywhere when he set it off...
The lard ash was everywhere!
The Science of The Lambs.
Science puns make me numb
But math puns make me number.
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
Why did the pun master order a glass coffin for his own funeral?
Because he wanted his friends to see what he dead there.
I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
What do you call someone that studies the science of wish granting?
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work
She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Always part of a classical dish
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
Master of None•••Pastor of Muppets
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
I saw a dude’s truck that said Master Baitor on it one time now I don’t fish but I want that
What kind of tree comes from your mouth?
Why did the chess master go to Prague?
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
Scientist have actually discovered a feline-like life-form on Mars! But unfortunately, one of their rovers ran over it, and
Curiosity killed the cat :(
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
What kind of pet do you step on?
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
Ve are the master chiefs
What do you call the perfect German soldiers?
Veteran-arians
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
My wife said, “I don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
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