Doughnuts
I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.
You look like you knead it.
You need apron
But I think I've got potential. I'm a waiter. It was raining when I left for work earlier, so I put my apron on my head to shield myself. I thought of what I might say if anyone questioned me about it.
"I sometimes like to wear improvised nun hoods. It's not a very good habit."
..and all the servers are dressed in little pieces of their Halloween costumes (kitty ears, face paint). But one employee was wearing the Blue IHOP apron and the blue and white striped shirt. [dad] nudges my sister with his elbow, "look, he's dressed as an IHOP employee".
We were getting ready to cook some food for the family gathering we had today, and my mom pulls my dads camouflage apron out of a box. It had some writing on it but it was hard to read because of the color. She says to me, "I can't even see this." In which I reply, "WELL IT IS CAMOFLAGE!"
And that was the groan heard round the world.
This was my contribution to my daughter's prom tonight.
Posted it to FB and gave my daughter some advice:
[daughter],
Today I learned that ironing is good meditation. While getting your dress ready, I came up with some rules:
Rule 1: Do not sit down in this dress, even (especially!) in a car. Sitting down will cause wrinkles, especially in the buttocks area. Long, 3-mile hikes to the high school can be very romantic.
Rule 2: Do not eat or drink in this dress. For fluids, since your arms will be bare, might I suggest an IV. For solids, have your manservant (aka "date") feed you with a long spoon while you wear one of those full-body aprons like at the barbershop.
Rule 3: Do not dance in this dress. Dancing--especially "touching" dancing--can cause wrinkles. If you really must experience physical contact during the slow dances, your date may grasp non-dress parts of you, such as your forearms or head.
Have fun at your first prom!
Love, Dad
Son: Dad, what's for dinner?
Me: fires up the grill
Me: It's a mistake!
Son: Why a mistake?
Me: Because she's married Mr. Steak!
Me: Ties Dad of the Year Apron and proceeds to grill some steaks
I was helping a couple with patio furniture and I told them to make sure to ask the cashier for the 50% discount on all patio furniture:
Me: If they give you any trouble, tell them to call Garden.
Customer: (Looks at my apron and points.) I thought your name is Chris!
I found a apron at the store that had tomatoes in a mason jar and said " I can, because I can." So I took a picture and sent it to a friend.
- Me: (sent picture) I wanted to get this for you
- Her: Why would you get that for me? I don't can.
- Me: But don't you see? You can can!
