President Biden Set to Announce Support for Legalizing Marijuana
The announcement will be made to a joint session of Congress.
I would like to announce that I am no longer a masterbater.
Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I’m going for a jog and then I don’t...
It’s my longest running joke of the year so far...
Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
What does Craig David announce when he does a pyjama wash?
"This one goes out to all the P-P-Js"
I'm saddened to announce that due a recent warehose fire, I'm going to have to scrap my plans for a road side advertisement museum.
I really should have seen it coming. All the signs were there.
How do fish couples announce their relationship?
How did Francine announce she’s transgender?
“Okay guys, I need to be Frank with you”
Kia announces new car you can drive with your phone!!!!!
At the airport gate, they announce that all smart bags must be checked. My mom asks my dad, "What's a smart bag?"
"The opposite of a douche bag"
Thanks, dad.
Battery company announces it has replaced Energizer Bunny.
Looking forward to new ads with Vin D-cell.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces:
"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
A woman announces to the golf pro she was stung by a bee. "Where?", asked the golf pro. "Between the first and second hole," she reports.
Scientists were excited to announce the successful cross-breeding of Lassie and a cantaloupe.
However, it was a melancholy baby.
(Credit to Calvin & Hobbes).
Is Joe Biden going to announce his candidacy soon?
We knew every one of the magician's tricks, and would announce the secret to the crowd
He got so angry at us, he puled his hare out.
Sean Connery announces new marketing deal with Gillette
Not sure if you saw the media blitz early yesterday morning, when Sean Connery announced to the world that it was Daylight Shavings Time.
A Mexican magician announces that, for his next trick, he will vanish at the count of three...
He counts, "Uno... dos... ", and POOF! he vanished without a tres.
I've been battling a serious addiction to dressing like a nun for years. Today I'm happy to announce that I'm 28 days clean.
I've finally kicked the habit.
On my way back from Thanksgiving holiday, the flight had to make a slightly hard landing due to the crosswind. Then the flight attendant announces: " Sorry for the slightly bumpy landing. It wasn't the Captain's fault, most definitely not the my fault...
It was the Asphalt."
The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)
It is with a heavy heart I announce..
The owner of our office space came into the office today to announce that he was going to be on holidays for the next few weeks in Paris, at a beautiful spot right on the river.
I said "I hope being so close to the river doesn't make you go InSeine..."
Surprisingly, I got a pretty good laugh considering it was my first time meeting the guy. My colleague, who is more acquainted with my antics, rolled her eyes :)
Benedict Cumberbatch announces that his baby boy doesn't need his nappy changed, his wife replies...
I was playing Bingo with my girlfriend's family for Christmas Eve, and her dad always announces the numbers
Everytime B-9 comes up, he says:
"B-9... not malignant."
-____-
When parents announce their Euro-medditeranian travel plans
Mom- We're going to Rome, then we're going to Greece and we're going to Mount Olympus.
Me- Where are you roaming to? What are you greasing?
And I don't think its safe to mount Olympus.
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
It was my longest running joke of the year.
Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go.
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.
It’s my longest running joke of this year.
Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.
It's my longest running joke of the year.
Every morning for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.
It's my longest running joke this year.
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