More on this after the break.
Weigh more than needed
Eventually we drifted apart.
To prevent others from Seein’ In.
He then said that's what you are son
More on this as it develops...
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
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anchor management
A w-anchor.
So I told him to cut to the chase
It was a piece of ship.
It was the pier pressure
I told the police it was an accident, but they said it was on porpoise.
The cops get super pissed if you call them and re-tell the news story.
they're always breaking news.
"NASA announced today that it has space for new astronauts."
You put her in a broadcast.
Anchor: Bill, what on earth are you talking about?
Bill: It’ll be a little chili.
You know that even if the investments have sunk and the business is going under, that job's not going anywhere.
"Cue up the Nirvana because we're living in the 90s!"
"It was a hairy situation at Great Clips..."
It took me a second to catch it but when I did I had to chuckle.
Anchor management
He needed to work on his anchor management
They decide to play a game with the anchor while he’s on air. During the newscast they walk up to the anchor and ask “ which of us two is the most made for TV?”
The anchor turned to the camera and said “This Justin”
Because I want to hear a news anchor say "Today republicans tried to pass G.A.S., but Obama blocked the move with a veto."
So a news anchor is interviewing the avatar of a hawaiian volcano, a man made of molten rock. The interview goes well, but the volcano god cant' seem to stop staring at the reporter's chest with his eyes of burning, liquid stone. She plays it cool, but waits for the interview to be over to call the spirit on his rude actions. He looks her in the eyes, then points to her exposed microphone, clipped to her lapelle. "What do you call that," he asks.
It's a Lavalier mic.
Wife asked me to hang up some new wall decorations she picked up. One was a little heavy so I wanted to nail into a couple studs instead of just using drywall anchors. She saw me rooting around in the garage and asked what I was looking for.
"My stud finder. Wish I could turn it on remotely so it would just find me instead!"
...and he had to use one of those pens on a chain. But he was standing too far away from its anchor and the chain didn't reach the signout form.
He looked up at the librarian and said,
> Do you have a pen with a longer chain?
When the news anchor on tv asks "do you ever dream of taking a nap at work?"
To which my dad responds "Yep, but then i woke up and said 'oh crap, i'm at work!'"
More on this after the break.
More on this after the break.
More on that after the break.
More on this after the break.
More on this after the break.
More on that after the break.
More on that after the break.
