I replied: "No, thanks. Been there. Done that. Got the tree shirt"
I told I wasn't comfortable with her online dating.
(came up with this on the spot and I was so proud)
"Connect them."
While shopping with the wife today, we found a Lego set on our niece's wishlist that was even cheaper than Amazon. So, naturally, we jumped on it. Going through checkout, I looked at the box, then I looked at my wife. All I said to her was that I hope she would forgive me for what I was about to do. Her response: "don't you dare."
Fast forward 15 seconds, and it's our turn in line. As the cashier is about to scan the toy, I pointed out that the set has 446 pieces. "Is that ok for the 10 items or less line?" My wife quickly told her to ignore me.
Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.
I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.
I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?
My four year old was watching a Disney movie while I was in the kitchen. The app we use for Disney on the tv is horribly unreliable (Disney life on amazon firestick), randomly freezing or restarting whatever we're watching.
Anyway, I'm scoffing a cake I don't want her to have when I hear a shout.
"Daddy, the film is frozen."
I go through, look at the TV and tell her "No it's not, that's Moana."
I think it's the first time she's both gotten one of my jokes and appreciated how crap it is. Her eye roll and "ugh" brought a tear to my eye.
I recently bought a pool on Amazon and the height wasn't even close to what was advertised.
You can go there to read my review in depth.
Ok so here's what you do.
Go onto Amazon or Ebay or whatever and purchase a small dog cage. Make SURE that is is made of either completely STEEL. Nothing else. Get advanced shipping or whatever gets it to your door as fast as humanly possible. Now wait patiently for your package to arrive. Once the delivery person knocks on your door to get you to sign for your package tell them to wait until you open the box. If they seem leery of you explain that you have had trouble in the past with your parcels and you just want to make sure that your order is correct. Open the box and remove the cage from the box. Inspect it thoroughly. Now LISTEN CAREFULLY! This is the part you can't mess up. Look up from the cage and stare into that poor delivery person's eyes. Like so deep you can see their ancestors. Say these exact words. "I knew it... I can't believe I ordered a nickel less cage."
Shared an article with friends talking about how much of a let down the sales were for the Amazon Prime Day today.
Friend: "Go figure. All hype, no deliver."
Me: "Well, they are delivering. Two-day free shipping even!"
