http://thisnortheasternlife.blogspot.com/2015/08/quote-of-day-for-2015-08-25.html
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
Hiç unutmam 10. Sınıftayız, bizim okula ilik gibi mükemmel bi kız geldi, kız şu her şeye tamı tamına çalışıp hiç başarılı olamayan tiplerden, bu sınıfa girdiği gibi ben dahil herkes buna düştü.
İlk ders Almancaydı hoca bunu tanıttı sınıfa sonra asdawzın yanına otur dedi, benim dick hemen selama durdu tabii, kız gram konuşmadı benle.
O gün de Almanca hocasının test dağıtacağı tuttu, benimde amca tarafı alman olduğu için Almancayı ana dilim gibi bilirim, sıniftaki herkes bilir bunu, hatta bana Adolfie derlerdi.
Her neyse bu dağıttı testi ben 25 soruyu 10dk da falan bitirdim kız bana şaşkın şaşkın bakıyor sordu nasıl yaptın diye ben de kolay bunlar dedim kiz bana da yardım etsene dedi tabii dedim bi baktım teste, kiz mal amk. Daha fiil çekmeyi bilmiyor dedim bak bunlar bunlar böyle kiz bildiğin etkilendi benden, sonra dedi ki bana öğlen Almanca çalıştırır mısın dedim tabii.
Öğlen oldu çıktık bahçeye çalıştırıyorum bunu bak amk salağı fiil böyle çekilir diye kız şaşa şaşa izlerken iri yarı bi adam geldi yanımıza, kız yine mi sen mert bırak artık peşimi dedi tabii ben anladım vaziyeti ama adam çılgına dönmüş beni sevgilisi mi ne sandı herhalde adamın öfkesi yüzünden belli oluyor ben tüysem kızı, tüymesem beni sikecek.
Dedim ulam asdawz biraz adam ol yârini koru ve dikildim karşısına hayırdir bilader diyemeden bu orospuevladı yüzümü gözümü dağıttı tabii herkes toplandı benim dövülüşümü izlediler sonra gittiler
Herkes gittikten sonra kız geldi yanıma özür dilerim özür dilerim hep benim suçum diye yaralarımı falan sarmaya çalışıyo, ben de zar zor kulağın eğildim ve hiç unutamadağım şu sözleri söyledim;
"Merak etme kâmuran abi, femboy olduğun öğrenilmesin diye gerekirse hadım bile olurum..."
Ardından ikimizde ağlayarak sırayla birbirimizin götünü siktik...
[Removed]
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
