Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
I've just finished a really good book entitled 'Acted' - I don't really understand the relevance of the title, but the book is about censorship. Anyway, I think everyone should
My cat acted like it ruled the house until my pitbull came home.
Sometimes, you just have to put the fear of dog into them.
My daughter acted as if she didn't enjoy this one, but I KNOW she did...
http://i.imgur.com/xTjEZNI.jpg
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
When fencing, my friend acted like he collapsed unconscious from fright upon sight of his opponent's epee...
My dog acted like he hadn't been eating out of the cats' litter box...
...but I could tell he was full of shit
I used to work in a Fishmongers and acted like I knew everything.
In Honor of his Birthday, My dads ultimate go to (terrible) Dad Joke that he used every time and acted surprised when we finally caught on and stole his punch line
Walking through the mall.... They have a show model of a Buick that they are selling, sitting outside the food court...
My dad..everytime...without fail.....
"Would ja look at the parking spot THEY got!!!"
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of their times.
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
My teenage daughter is really acting odd...
What do you call the act of an Italian having sex with pasta?
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Saw an Adam & The Ants tribute act
I said “you’re not Adam Ant!”, he said “yeah i am.” we argued all night, but he really was adamant.
I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart..
...while they've never seen one of his paintings.
Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
What’d the confused alligator say when acting like a rooster?
My wife acts like she doesn't know that I'm Joking
But then, I remember that she is JoQueen.
My children do the same thing, but then they're just kidding
I confronted a mime today.
He did unspeakable things.
Thank you for the awards. You made my day 😃
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same
...but really, there’s a whole world of differences between them.
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered
But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
What did Zeus say when he saw everyone getting drunk and acting foolish on Mt. Olympus?
I won’t act like I’m not impressed
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
My Wife told our kids they need to get their acts together.
I asked if it would be ok if they gathered their swords instead. She was not amused.
So there’s this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that he’d vanish on the count of three. “Uno” “Dos”
And then he vanished, without a tres.
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.
Doc: lie down on the couch and we’ll discuss this.
Me: I’m not allowed on the couch.
I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.
I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.
People act really weird on the Metro
It must be a sub-culture...
I just saw a couple guys in white face act like they were caught in a trap and can't walk out.
If PMS is Overy-acting..
Do they perform in a period piece?
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
I have been working on the most illogical street performance act...
The polar bear was acting weird at the zoo
My carpal tunnel syndrome is acting up
It could all be fixed with a simple tendon transplant, but the surgery is so expensive, and I'm really worried about going under the knife. I guess it's just not a wrist I'm willing to take.
When I was younger, my Dad used to throw quarters at me whenever I acted stupidly.
He said, “Maybe that’ll knock some cents into you.”
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
My friend told me, “You have a B.A., Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like a moron.”
It was a third degree burn.
My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
(OC) Why do magicians not use horses in their acts?
Because they aren’t just difficult, they are neigh impossible!
What did 2 say to 3 when 6 was acting like a dick.
He's just a product of our times
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