This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
👍︎ 14
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind

It was a very pivotal moment

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I aprecciate the president Russia's achievements.

He had to Putin a lot of work to get where he is.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Achievement unlocked: Got a groan from my 6 year old

What's the opposite of an Octagon?

An Octa-returned!

👍︎ 30
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The invention of a the shovel was a ground-breaking achievement
👍︎ 267
💬︎
👤︎ u/benzilla04
📅︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
This achievement in Oxygen Not Included
👍︎ 38
💬︎
👤︎ u/lukub5
📅︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
New Achievement as a Father

Today while driving, my 2.5 year old asked for "tookies" and I replied with "Turkeys?" She responded quickly with her little "no". I feel proud that I can finally dad joke my child now. (This is an advancement in conversation structure between us)

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Wolfenstein II with one of the best achievements ever!
👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/justiono
📅︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my highest achievement was climbing Mount Everest.

It's all been downhill from that.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/Dadika000
📅︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you here about the scarecrow that recieved an achievement award?

He was outstanding in his field!

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What is your crowning achievement?

My crowning achievement is when I swallowed a trophy and couldn't poop it out.

👍︎ 21
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 16 2016
🚨︎ report
King Henry V's greatest military achievement was capturing Harfleur with a single marshmallow

One s'more unto the breach, dear friends, one s'more

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I thought my birth was my mother's greatest achievement.

Turns out it was just her crowning achievement.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you think that if Carrot Top ever won a lifetime achievement award for comedy,

He'd give props to all the people that helped him along the way?

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Why are Genghis Khan's achievements so respected?

Because he had to fight every steppe of the way.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ May 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Came up with this about a year ago, still my greatest achievement. Did you hear about the sale at the Mexican slave market?
👍︎ 22
💬︎
👤︎ u/Gen_Hazard
📅︎ Jun 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Achievement get! Dadjoked the gf's shopping list.

(We just found out that we're expecting our first child, which made it all the more urgent for me to begin practicing my craft)

Gf writes up list.

On said list: "Some fruit like bananas."

Me: "So...did you want the strawberry-like bananas, the orange-like bananas, the grape-like bananas-

She rolled her eyes so hard they nearly got away.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/helreidh
📅︎ Sep 12 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad was congratulating me on a recent achievement

Dad: I give you props, son Me: Thanks dad Dad: Now go make a play

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 17 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.