But it sure tastes worse!
Good thing none of those things actually exist.
Vampires! And for their whole life!
10/10 dad, my guy has reached peak fatherhood with that.
There seems to be a real grey area.
They do a killer whale impression
He didn't have mushroom for anything else.
His parents died.
They rubbed me the wrong way
She thinks I’m a stud
But the other three halves are winning.
The letter f
Edit: To all those asking- no, this joke is not about any specific person. It's about Politicians In General.
What do you call a stolen Tesla? An Edison.
If you give a man a poisoned fish, you feed him for the rest of his life
Alice and Bob were a loving and happily-married couple. Through the years, while they had their little differences, they could rest assured knowing they could work out said differences. This way, their bond grew stronger as the years went by.
However, there was one facet of their life that always had them at loggerheads. Alice never believed the weather forecast put out by Rudy, at their local TV station, despite Bob's attempts to convince her otherwise.
"I don't trust him. He's a liar, and he's always wrong. Worse still, he's a communist."
"I really don't see what his political leaning has to do with the accuracy of his forecasts, darling."
"Mark my words, Bobby, I'll be proven right".
And yet, when the forecast predicted sunny weather and the sun blazed down, Alice remained unconvinced.
An accurate forecast of snow? "Bah, even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
And so it went on. Bob found the predictions accurate (or as accurate as one can hope for from tea-leaf reading or whatever science the weathermen used). However, Alice wouldn't budge.
One morning, Alice was dressing to go walking, and Bob had his hands full trying to convince her otherwise.
"Sweetie, they say there's going to be a torrential downpour soon. Can't you walk another day?"
"Absolutely not! You might not want to join me, but I'm getting my walking in for the day."
"At least take an umbrella, or a raincoat with you. You're going to get drenched, Allie."
"How can you be so sure it's going to rain, huh? Still trusting that charlatan?"
Bob sighed, drew himself up and pronounced: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
But I know I can win her back
she's ovaryacting to everything i do
Because he Aris-totled his car
Because of the terrible reviews we got. We only have one star ⭐️
She might have crabs.
Pecause proper tea is theft
Rabbit: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? owner says no, we don't make carrot pie. Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? No! We don't make carrot pie! Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? No! I told you already! Rabbit came 3 days in a row so the owner thinks; I'm gonna make him a carrot pie he might be a regular! Earn some money. Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie? Owner answers yes! Its right here! Rabbit answers: It's disgusting, isn't it?
Push a man out of the plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
They XL in clothing
It was a Carbonite copy!
I call it a sighsmograph.
Because you can't open windows in space.
Poly = many. Ticks = blood sucking parasites.
A couple animals in a baaaaad moooood.
No need to remind her every half hour.
It was a Brother from another mother.
Dozen tit?
A Leper con 🌈🍀
Not surprisingly, his name is Matt.
S. Right at the fucking back.
Three statisticians go deer hunting. After some time passes, they come upon a buck.
The first shoots at it and misses by 30 yards to the right.
The second takes a shot and misses by 30 yards to the left.
The third jumps up and yells, “We got him! We got him!“
He reads lips.
