Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

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👤︎ u/MrFitBit
📅︎ Dec 14 2020
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Once my school had multiple teachers absent and they sent the substitutes to the wrong class AMA

Whoops wrong sub

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📅︎ Aug 17 2020
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I went to a cannibal wedding. The Groom toasted the bridesmaids, The best man toasted the Bride and Groom and the father of the Bride toasted absent friends.....

It was one hell of a barbecue.

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👤︎ u/cwwspurs
📅︎ Jan 12 2020
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Student (after being absent): I'm back. Do I have any make-up work?

Teacher: Yeah, go home and practice your mascara.

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👤︎ u/Talon184
📅︎ Mar 19 2020
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What do you call an absent mother or father figure?

Paren't

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📅︎ Oct 26 2019
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Real conversation with my 8yo today.

My wife sent some birthday presents by mail to her sister's kids and they got lost in the post. My 8yo asked, "What was the present?"

I said, "It isn't present any more because it is absent!"

I won an eye roll from my wife and a smile from my 8yo.

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📅︎ Nov 16 2019
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I may have gotten my hatred of English tradition from dad...

But I can only speculate because he was an absent-tea father.

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📅︎ Jun 10 2018
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My 3 year old daughter was diagnosed with strep throat today.

I absent mindedly let her kiss me this evening, so I went and washed my lips and swished some whiskey for good measure. I know its only 35% alcohol, but I figured it was worth a shot

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📅︎ Jun 29 2018
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My wife was hooking our daughter up in her car seat....

And while I was waiting, I was standing on the front lawn beside the car absent-mindedly swinging a golf club (to test my sore shoulder). Daughter starts freaking out because she thinks I'm not coming. My wife tells her not to worry, Daddy's driving. And I told her "actually, it's a wedge."

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📅︎ Jul 24 2016
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My friends and I went to watch our favorite team throw around the ol' pigskin.

We agreed to paint our chests to read "FOOTBALL" as we sat in the stands. But two of my pals, the first and second "O", didn't show up. And our team lost! I really should've expected that outcome. My absent friends were the bad o-men.

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📅︎ Jun 26 2017
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Dadded my wife just a second ago.

A lady at church said she was absent last week because she was under the weather. I turn to my wife and say,

"Aren't we all?"

Groans ensued.

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👤︎ u/JdaveA
📅︎ Jan 04 2015
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Want to hear a really bad dad joke?

There was once an absent father

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📅︎ Nov 12 2017
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Daughter said her abs hurt after starting a new exercise. "Well, my nonexistent abs," she says.

"You mean they're absent?"

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👤︎ u/dsmymfah
📅︎ Mar 08 2016
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Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.

So today, a subreddit.

👍︎ 25k
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📅︎ Jul 31 2020
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Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

👍︎ 20k
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📅︎ Dec 18 2019
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