I think we can all agree that if Abraham Lincoln were alive today...

He'd be very old.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2022
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What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was on trial?

I’m in-a-cent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotepVision
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2022
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Abraham: "yesterday, I went to perform a sacrifice with my son"

"and Isaac asked, 'Dad, why can't we just use a goat?'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_errorfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2022
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...and God said to Abraham, "Come fourth and recieve eternal life."

But Abraham came fifth, and got a toaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chilldabpanda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2022
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Assuming he were alive today, why couldn't Abraham Lincoln be accused of a crime?

Because he's in a cent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raven21633x
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2022
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Some people think Abraham Lincoln was a criminal.

But I know he's in a cent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oh_My_Monster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2022
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Why was Abraham Lincoln considered honest?

Because he was always inn-a-cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hot_Sky_5789
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2022
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What was Abraham Lincoln’s favorite pasta?

Penne

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deltapapa1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2022
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Once Abraham Lincoln was accused of a dubious crime.

He knew that some day he'd be found in a cent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikedudical
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2022
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Abraham Lincoln was known to be VERY generous…

He even went so far as to deliver the Gettys bird a dress.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2022
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What is a Lawyer’s favourite drink?

Subpoena Colada.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnuckleHeadLuck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2022
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Why did Abraham Lincoln go to the play?

He wanted to be more open-minded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/egglord009
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2021
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Abraham Lincoln once said,

"Don't believe everything you see on Reddit."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2021
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Abraham Lincoln could never be convicted of a crime!

He’s in-a-cent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/69_WetBulb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2021
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My sex life is like Abraham Lincoln's.

My last four scores were seven years ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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Q: What do you think of that actor, Murray Abraham?

A: F. Murray Abraham?

Q: Geez, no need to be so angry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2021
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Anyone want to help me make a TV show about Abraham Lincoln?

The plan is to shoot it in front of a live audience.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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what do you call a smelly president?

abraham stincoln

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheesepuff4life
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2022
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Abraham Lincoln was a rapper

he went by the name One Cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/operationchaos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
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Penny production with Abraham Lincoln’s face seems to be quite low this year.

It’s only one percent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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What do Abraham Lincoln biographies and Instagram promoters have in common?

Lincoln bio.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emagdaleno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Did you know Abraham Lincoln lived in Pennsylvania?

Surely you've heard of his Gettysburg Address!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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NBC is coming up with a docudrama about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale will be shot before a live audience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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You know they say JFK and Abraham Lincoln were the most open minded presidents
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoonicide
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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What kind of vacuum would Abraham have?

Dyson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Did you know Mortal Kombat is based off a scandinavian church song?

It was called Finnish Hymn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wise-Finding9444
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
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What did Abraham Lincoln say when he watched a Call of Duty killcam?

Nice play.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePegaKris
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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This tissue is a dancing tissue…

It’s got a little boogie in it!

OH just now at my Aunt’s birthday party as she was unwrapping her presents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrew687
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2021
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Abraham was the smartest man in the Bible. He knew a Lot.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
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I told my son I was named after Albert Einstein.

"Isn't your name James?"

"Yes, but I was named AFTER Albert Einstein."

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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2022
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Why did the cannibal love Abraham Lincoln?

Because of the greatest speech ever written, "Four score and seven ears ago..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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I'm the proud owner of an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln...

I replaced the head once,and the handle twice, but it feels good to own a piece of American history.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Why was Isaac nervous about marrying Rebekah?

He was already left at the alter once

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eater-of-Tacos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2021
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John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln,

Were truly open-minded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squatyslav
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zvekl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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Why couldn't Abraham Lincoln be arrested?

He's in a cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Why hasn't Abraham Lincoln ever been charged with a crime?

He's in a cent.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneCoolGuy234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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NBC is developing a new realistic docudrama about Abraham Lincoln.

The finale will be shot before a live audience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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Why wasn't Abraham Lincoln guilty?

Because he was in-a-cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzPhoen1x
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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What kind of vacuum did Abraham own?

Dyson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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NBC is planning an old-fashioned sitcom about Abraham Lincoln.

It will be shot before a live audience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
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How do I know Abraham Lincoln never had trouble with the law?

He's in a cent.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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I own an axe that belonged to Abraham Lincoln

I replaced the head once,and the handle has been replaced twice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was arrested?

I'm in-a-cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gluttonysin4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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HBO is making a new docudrama about the life of Abraham Lincoln.

The finale will be shot before a live audience.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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