Come here often?
After all, it does bring out your inner child.
You can unscrew a light bulb
It must have been the delivery.
But it's hard to deliver
Plant Parenthood.
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
you don't want to make it on an empty stomach
Ask your sister.
But I don't have a-
They were Unplanned Parenthood.
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
EDIT: An older gentleman spent the whole afternoon in the gas station telling dad jokes to every customer that walked through the door. This was mine.
One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.
Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.
(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)
Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."
Wife: "What?! Why?"
Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."
Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.
Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)
Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!
Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo
They both end up scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Some context: my dad listed the drinks we had, which read "orange juice, decaf, milk."
Me: (jokingly) Decaf milk?
Dad: All milk is decaf because we get it and the calf doesn't!
The man is legendary.
Wife: "One of my friends just named their kid Dexter. Would you ever name a kid Dexter?"
Me: "Yeah, that's a killer name!"
I was typing something about abortion and I accidentally started to misspell it.
My Phone: "Did you mean "antilabor"?
Me: "Well... yeah..."
I had to Abort
And there's no plan b.
He survives through to the 24th century and gets his own ship. He somehow runs afoul of a certain Bajoran captain who used to be a distinguished ensign on the Enterprise, under Captain Picard.
The movie then becomes about their conflict. The response from the studio wasn't kind. They said I should abort the idea. They said it would be too controversial to make a movie about Ro v. Wade.
