Fruits and veggies
Orange you glad I came up with these grape and un-beet-able puns? Cauliflower (call a flower) shop. In celebration! It’s just bananas, and will drive you coco and nuts!
A-door-able Valentine’s Puns
Why won’t Trump be able enter the White House on January 21st?
I called Robinhood to complain about not being able to buy more GME
Operator said “please hold”
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
He’ll do anything for a buck.
Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
Did you hear Boba Fett was able to time travel?
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
My weird talent is always being able to tell what’s in a wrapped present.
My son thinks I'm so cool for being able to talk like Cookie Monster and Elmo.
I guess you could say I have Sesame Street cred.
No one at my party was able to break the clown piñata.
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights, but the vet was able to remove them.
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
Once you start spreading lube on a child's slide, you won't be able to stop.
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
What do you call a frozen mouse?
Why was toilet paper wasn't able cross the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack
I wasn't able to carry my case.
My wife has just gave birth at the hospital. I pulled the doctor away for a minute and asked "how soon do you think we will be able to have sex?"
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
What kind of bear is the most condescending?
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Conspiracy theorists will never be able to find the true story of the coronavirus' origins...
Why aren't people in Norway able to purchase anything?
Blind people are not able to eat fish...
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
We may not be able to seat you inside just now but we can supply some terrible puns.
I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...
But it was in rough shape.
Well, next year we'll be able to say
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Why were the decepticons not able to divide the Autobots?
Because the autobots had Optimus Prime
My mate has just seen the Chernobyl documentary...
He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980’s and was able to count at least 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
A ship carrying purple paint ran into a ship carrying brown paint.
The survivors were marooned.
Why are dogs able to swim so well?
They have a Good Boyancy chamber
I have been diagnosed with special vision able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor...
...my optometrist just told me that I'm very farce-sighted.
Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...
...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough
Unfortunately, Superman won’t be able to fight Dracula this evening...
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch Narcos the same ever again
People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!!
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