Orange you glad I came up with these grape and un-beet-able puns? Cauliflower (call a flower) shop. In celebration! It’s just bananas, and will drive you coco and nuts!
I was like, “Well, damn.”
All his grades were below C level.
It was a small price toupee.
Has been a real eye opener for me
But I pulled it off.
It took me a few days, but I've managed to come to grips with it.
It's traveling light!
Wanda maximoff
It’s forbiden
Operator said “please hold”
He’ll do anything for a buck.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Now I have a stable connection.
Yeah, I tractor down.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
In his mandelorian.
"That's just spam!"
My dog was delighted.
It’s a gift.
IT was hard.
I guess you could say I have Sesame Street cred.
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
It's a slippery slope.
(Banana for scale)
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path
Because it got stuck in the crack
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Kid: Hey dad, look at that! (Points with his finger to something off in the distance.)
Me: (Looking in direction he's pointing) What? Where? I don't see anything.
Kid: (Still pointing) Right there, look, you see it?
Me: (Still looking, getting annoyed that I don't see it) WHAT? What is it??
Kid: (Holding up the same finger) It's my finger!
I have been doing this to him recently and it always gets him. I love that he's able to totally get me with it now.
Edit: MY oldest, not Mt oldest. Not sure what the oldest mountain is, but it probably isn't as funny as my oldest kid is becoming.
I was crushed by the news.
He thought about it for a bit and said "I am off-duty in 10mins, meet me in the car park"
It was all COVID up
A pan-duh
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.
Kronervirus
it is see food.
Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.
But it was in rough shape.
It read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
