Real conversation with my 4-yr-old
My wife and I had just finished watching the Chipmunks movie with our 4-year-old son. This conversation soon followed:
Son: Is Feeadore real?
Wife: No, he's not real, sweetheart.
Son: Are there real chickmunks?
Wife: Yes, there are.
Son: Have you ever seen chickmunks?
Wife: I sure have.
Me: They're usually called nuns, though.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Joke from my 10 yr old: How do hobbits judge their designs?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
New joke from my 8 yr old
What sound does a tree make?
It barks
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︎ Jan 30 2021
An 18 yr old died during a driving test.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
From my 7 yr just now: Dad, last night I dreamed I was swimming in orange soda.
Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
10 yr old daughter playing video games yells, βGIRL!β
Dad response, βYou know itβs true...β
Daughter laughs (she actually likes my Dad jokes... heh) π
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
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︎ Dec 05 2020
From my 10 yr old. "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE PLAYGROUND?"
To get to the other slide
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︎ Jan 18 2021
From my 6 yr old....
What has two arms and no legs....but it always runs?!
a clock you dummy!
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︎ Jan 16 2021
@my office: 4 yr boy says βwhy did the Christmas cookie go to the dentist?β
Because he had Ginger-vitis!
That father had the biggest smile on his face.. happy holidays everybody!
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︎ Dec 27 2020
3 yr old grandson says, "Papa, where's my sword?"
Papa, "What colour is it?"
3 yr old, "Blue."
Papa, "Where did you see it last?"
3 yr old: "In my hand."
Endless entertainment!
Edit: formatting
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My 6 yr old son learning math: βDad, whatβs infinity plus infinity?β
Me: βIβm not sure, what is it?β
Son: βTwo infinity...and beyond!β
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didnβt get the door closed completely.
When is a door also a good container?
When itβs ajar.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. βDo you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?β
βBecause we donβt need depth perception with our mouths β was his technically correct answer
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︎ Jun 29 2019
Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Whatβs the best way to get to the capital of Senegal? (From my 8 yr old son)
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︎ Jul 26 2020
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
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︎ Aug 11 2020
I was just chillin by the pool on the 4th of July with my 11 yr old. I told him I got a little Sun...
And then you had a growth spurt.
It took him a few minutes...
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︎ Jul 04 2020
My 3 yrs old son told me he got a girlfriend
I asked him what's her name
Son: " Sophie "
Me: "Son,you can't be serious "
Son : "is it because she's older than me?"
Me : "No, it's because she's our cat"
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I was wrestling with my 7 yr old just now and introduced him to "stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
I feel that i have passed the tradition down yet another generation. Im going to live forever!
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︎ Jun 13 2020
My 8 yr old son asked me to buy him a Lamborghini
I told him by the time he got his license and was old enough to drive it, it would be a Sheeporghini
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︎ Nov 17 2019
What's the difference between a 10 yr job and a 10 yr marriage?
The job still sucks after 10 years
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︎ Feb 20 2020
Made my 11 yr old laugh and my wife roll her eyes this kornint. It was a good day.
My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!
My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."
I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"
Groans and laughs ensued.
Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?
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︎ Apr 02 2017
My wife put food in front of our 1.5 yr old
She said "say your prayer"
He said "Prayer" then just smirked at her
So proud right now.
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︎ Sep 09 2016
Asked my 3 yr old if she wanted to see Toy Story 4.
She said, "What's Toy Story 4?"
"Entertainment," I replied.
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︎ Nov 15 2019
My 7 yr old son came up with this today. How do you make a witch itch?
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︎ Dec 28 2019
My 5 yr old girl told her first dad joke today: "Dad look what happened to my tooth!" Smiles and has a disgusting mouthfull of crunched up nachos.
"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy
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︎ Nov 25 2018
Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'
She thought that was pretty funny.
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︎ Mar 11 2019
My 3 yr old son didn't realize it but he told me a good dadjoke
As I'm holding my son, he begins to pretend his hands are spiders and starts wiggling the tips of his fingers on my arm and then says
"These spiders are crawling on you because they're Daddy Long Legs"
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︎ Aug 05 2015
I was laughing at my 5-yr-old daughter the other day while I was combing her hair.
When my wife asked what was happening, I replied, "I was just teasing her."
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︎ Jun 28 2019
After watching Netflix's Super Monsters, my 4-yr old daughter asked me: "Where does Lobo (the werewolf) live?"
Me: I don't know, baby.. the monster house?
Her: No. That's wrong.
Me: A wolf den?
Her: No. You're wrong, daddy. He and his dad lives (sic?) in a werehouse!
Gotta say, I annoyingly fell for that one.
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︎ Feb 25 2019
Joke From My 14 yr old Cousin
>I caught a cold last night. Where did I store it you might ask? In the fridge.
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︎ Jan 28 2019
11 yr old: "Dad, while you're in the kitchen, will you make me popcorn?"
Me: "Poof! You're popcorn!"
11: eye roll
Wife: groan
Me: intent chuckle
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︎ Jul 27 2017
Not a dad, but my new SO has a 4 yr old. I think I'm starting off on the right foot. (OC)
driving down road and almost hit a possum
GF: I thought you were gonna hit that.
Me: Me too! It was definitely a "possum-bility."
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︎ Sep 19 2017
7 yr old daughter dropped this when I held up her 2 ice cream cone shaped nail polish bottles to my eyes
Me: "hi I'm jimmy ice cream eyes"
Her: "hi Jimmy, you're looking sharp today.." As she walked away.
It's like she doesn't even have to try
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︎ Jan 07 2016
Soo... My 7 yr. old daughter dropped this one on me... I think I'll keep her.
We're watching the live action 101 Dalmatian movie.
It's the scene where Cruella falls through the floor and lands in what looks like a bunch of poop, chasing after one of the puppies.
My daughter asks me,"What is that stuff she fell into supposed to be?".
I replied,"Pretty sure it's supposed to resemble poop."
She goes,"So I guess that puppy set a poopy trap."
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︎ Mar 02 2015
Got dadjoked by my 6 yr old daughter
She is REALLY into sharks right now, and the other day she said "Daddy, I sure am glad I'm a girl." I asked why. She said "because sharks are man-eaters." Love that girl!
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︎ Nov 25 2015
My 6 yr old son did me proud with this one
Whole family watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, at the end Sirius makes his farewells and flies off on Buckbeak. As he flies off my son turns to be and says "not so Sirius now is he?"
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︎ Jun 04 2014
From my 6 yr old daughter: Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
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︎ Mar 23 2016
Dadjoked by my 10-yr old daughter
On teaching her how to make pancakes.
her : "Dad, any pancake you make I can do batter"
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︎ Sep 06 2014
Got dad joked by 13 yr old girl foster kid....Where do dogs hate to go shopping?
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︎ Apr 29 2016
My 16 yr old son loves muscle cars and luxury cars. He noticed a beautiful Lexus next to us at a light. I told him too bad Lexus doesn't make a muscle car.
They could call it Flexus.
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︎ Mar 31 2016
My 9 yr old daughter wanted to go to the mall and she said "Daady, put the mall in your phone"
My husband says "the mall won't FIT in my phone" silence
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︎ Nov 15 2015
My 3 yr old
Dad: When you make a sand castle mommy can take pictures and send them to me while I'm at work.
3 year old: Daddy you want me to "sand" them to you?
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︎ Apr 04 2015
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