Ugh I hate Susan. The more I read fan posts and theories, the more I dislike Teri Hatcher too and how she felt she was better than the other housewives.
But come on.
2 episodes ago, in a wheelchair, bumps down the steps with no flinch of pain...falls out of the wheelchair due to Dr Ron, climbs back into it easy peasy and the following episode is using a walking stick.
WHYYY.
To then get thrown around on Edie’s bed and chucked off the bed by Karl and again, no pain.
I am a healthcare professional so I know I should gloss over it, but it drives me crazy. It’s things like this that make patients not think of the practical things after surgery... like how would you get up the stairs in a wheelchair which is never mentioned. Also: why would you need a wheelchair after spleen surgery which would cause you more pain being in a seated position and more pain using a walking stick when she didn’t have any pre-existing mobility issues
Rant over!! Grr Susan wouldn’t surprise me if she rented a wheelchair for the sympathy card! I do wish I had her genetics though
Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen. [Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes] Shrek: What a load of-- [Toilet Door slams] Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool. [♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing] Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪ [Shouting] Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪ [Belches] Villagers: Go! Go! [Record Scrating] Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪ Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it! Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you? Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread. Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now,
... keep reading on reddit ➡Sudden Lee
Me: Hi pregnant, I'm Dad!
Wife: No you're not.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
So far nobody has given me a straight answer
..... Will get a reward.
“Empress above, is that an exo-suit?”
Jason glanced over to where Raisha was pointing. Sure enough, there stood one of the imposing black pseudo-mech suits. The nine-foot hunchbacked machine stood out amongst the hubbub of the defender’s ‘staging’ area, the nearby Shil’vati giving the exo-suit a wide berth.
He leaned on a nearby crate, he and the rest of the cadre having little better to do than hurry up and wait before they were deployed.
“I’m surprised the militia has any,” he said. “From what I’ve read, they’re supposed to be pretty expensive.”
Not so much the suit itself, as the miniature anti-gravity drive on the thing’s back. The thing that allowed it – with the aid of its powerful legs and a number of micro-thrusters – to dart around the battlefield like a grasshopper on steroids. The mechs couldn’t fly, but they could jump well enough to do a decent Spiderman impression. At least in an environment with sufficient verticality, like a jungle or a city. A fact that had caught a number of human commanders off guard during the invasion if the grousing from veterans online was anything to go off.
He didn’t blame them. The idea was all sorts of insane from an engineering perspective. The suit itself was probably simple enough – for a given value of simple – but Jason had less than no idea as to how the anti-gravity drive functioned. Which was really the only thing that let the insane tactic work at all.
“Probably military surplus,” Raisha reasoned, eyes remaining glued to the machine. “The Turox line used to be pretty standard until Helstrom won the contract.” She paused, looking at the runic emblem on the machine’s chest. “Or it’s a family machine.”
“Family machine?” Jason echoed, hating just how many aspects of Shil’vati society he was ignorant of. Some days he felt like a broken record given the number of times he needed to ask for clarification on something someone had mentioned offhandedly.
Raisha glanced at him. “You know, family machine? Veteran retires and buys their suit off the military at a discount.”
So, it was sort of like a veteran taking their service rifle home with them, he mused.
“A whole mech though?” he asked.
Raisha nodded. “It’s not cheap, sure, even for an exo-pilot, who are usually pretty flush. Pays for itself in the end though. If a kid signs up with their own mech, the military provides them with a pretty handy subsidy.”
That sounded like more Shil’vati classism to Jason, old school
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because they work on many levels
Well, toucan play at that game.
Not exactly an IDWH, so much as a I Don’t Work There...
First time posting anything like this, but I’ll try to be as precise as possible. For this story, we’ll need to take a trip in the Wayback Machine, back to the far-flung realm of 1994. The internet was still a strange and unusual thing, the Super Nintendo and Genesis were on the waning edge of the console cycles, and I (as a 15yo) was into it. The high school version of water cooler talk was what games were we playing, did we know this, have we tried that, etc.
Coming into the holiday season, I was feeling my inner math geek come to the forefront, as the parents had long since told me about Santa, and instead I was given the directive: “You have this much money for this year’s presents. Make it last.” Yes, ma’am! As I had not been introduced to any sort of spreadsheet aside from margarine, I had to cobble together two sheets of notebook paper, draw out columns and rows, and list out all the games I was interested in for the rows, and the stores I was going to check out for the columns. A handcrafted work, but for my eyes at the time I was pretty proud of it.
Cue me tagging along with mom whenever she went shopping, where I’d split off to do my thing, and she’d take care of hers. All very neat and tidy for some of the more niche and/or departed stores of yesteryear - looking at you, Larger-than-village of the Circuits. All was going well, until one fateful day, when my parents and I were visiting the Mart of Sprawls, and the following situation occurred. Conversations are paraphrased, given the timeframe involved. I will be Me, Salesdroid will be SD, and Dad will be Dad.
After entering the store, the parents went off to the fabric area to indulge Mom’s sewing hobby, while I wandered over to shelf after shelf of electronics goodness. Pulling out my handy chart, I sent to work poring over my options, weighing one game here versus two there. A grand metagame, if you will, to wring every last penny out of my purchases. Only to be stopped dead in my tracks by the bane of shoppers: an empty rack. Hrmm. I wander over to SD, who was manning the register but not busy at the time.
Me: “Excuse me, do you have suchandsuch?”
SD: “Let’s check.”
We both go back, verify the shelf is empty, nothing in the overflow area beneath the shelves, etc. Drat. I pen down a quick N/A in the appropriate box, and go back to my task. After a few moments, I become aware that SD has not gone back to the register, but is stan
... keep reading on reddit ➡Argon does not react.
Windows
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
She said apple-lutely
Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.
I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.
When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."
From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"
Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.
it's Hans free now..
Old Neeeeiiiiighvy
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
A buck-an-ear!
I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!
He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.
and not:
Phil
Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]Shrek: What a load of--[Toilet Door slams]Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪[Shouting]Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪[Belches]Villagers: Go! Go![Record Scrating]Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.Shrek: [Laughs] Yes,
... keep reading on reddit ➡'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
To get to the... Bottom...
(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)
Japan.
second hand stores!
