I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound, his reply...

he can't have my nose, I need it!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FTM-Oct2020
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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During my first ultrasound, the nurse pulled out the device that goes inside, and put a condom on it.

My kid's dad says, "Oh, so that's how you keep from coming here."

Actual, horribly painful dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snarktopus420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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So while at the dr recently, he told me an ultrasound revealed I have a fatty liver

I looked him dead in the eyes and said look at me, I weigh 360 lbs I have a fatty everything.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johndeerdrew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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Who’s the coolest guy in the hospital when the ultrasound guy isn’t there?

The hip replacement guy

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnluckyBlock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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I'm taking my leg in for an ultrasound.

I think it has a calf.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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We came back from the ultrasound, and my mother in law said, β€œDid you get to see the fetus?”

I said, β€œFetus, Hand-us, Leg-us, There’s practically a whole baby in there!”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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A husband sees his baby on the ultrasound for the first time...

The ultrasound technician asks what names they thought of.

The dad remarks "his name will be Miles. Kilometer for short."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Ultrasound tech: "So before we begin do you folks have any questions"

Me: "Train A is heading east at 90mph-"

Wife: "Shut up"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GAU8Avenger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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Two maternity vets are looking at an ultrasound taken of Dumbo...

They stare at the image in silence for 8 hours.

One vet finally says, "Should we talk about the elephant in the womb?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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I went into my wife's ultrasound with high expectations.

I was really disappointed, the sound quality really bad. (Ultra Avx)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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My wife had an ultrasound yesterday and the tech pointed out where the Humerus was.

I looked at my wife and said, "Humorous, he is already funny".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trock2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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Ultrasound

Went with my wife to her ultrasound for our first born. They were measuring the baby to make sure it was growing right. They started at the head and worked their way down. When they got to the humerus the ultrasound said, β€œAnd this is the humerus.” I couldn’t help it, I blurted out β€œHa! Funny.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/medicff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2017
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Dadjoked the nurse during the ultrasound this morning

My wife is 8 weeks pregnant with our first (twins, actually). Today we had an ultrasound to check on them before my wife is officially transferred from the fertility specialist to her OB/GYN.

Nurse: Both heartbeats are a healthy 144.

Me: Gross.

Nurse: What?.... Oh. (nervous laugh)

Wife: (facepalm)

Me: (ear-to-ear grin)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terminalmage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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I was getting an ultrasound for a kidney stone the other day and my dad says...

"So doctor, is it a boy or a girl?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zamperweenie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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I was told to vacate the car yesterday

A friend of mine was telling me that she's a nursing major. I asked her "Who is the coolest guy in the hospital?" She asked "Who?" I said "The Hip doctor"

I was told to get out and leave.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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I apologize if this sounds racist but...

All ultrasounds look the same.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Calling all DadJokers!

Hey there!

I'm an avid dad joker, and it looks like within 24 hours I'll finally be a dad myself. Throughout the pregnancy, I've had a blast making jokes about womb temperature, and ultrasounds making her a womb with a view.

Now is where I need your assistance. I've been expressly forbidden from making any jokes during the labor process, which means I am of course going to make jokes.

Got any great pregnancy/labor/new baby jokes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_perfect_sonnet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
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I don't have the heart to tell you guys...

So in a few days I'm supposed to get an ultrasound on my heart and I want to lighten up the mood a little by making a few puns about the situation. Can you all help me with some real clever ones? Anything about shortness of breath and heart problems would be amazing :)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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IT dad joke

For background, I'm an IT guy.

My wife and I are heading home after our first ultrasound, and asks me what I though about being a dad.

Well, it doesn't seem very well thought out. There's only one developer, it has a 40 week development cycle that can't be changed, and it goes straight into production with no beta testing. Then after launch, everyone is expected to support it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trrwilson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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Got in a car accident and went to the hospital.

I had some pain in my side, so i figured i'd rather be safe than sorry, so I went to the ER. The physician was doing an ultrasound to check for internal injuries, and he was like, "so that's your spleen, we check for this black line right there. This here is your kidney, which looks fine." and I replied "You gotta be kiddin-ney."

my mom thought it was funny as hell.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poptart2nd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
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Father in law dadjoked my wife...

Wife: So they're going to do a 36-week ultrasound to see how large the baby is.

FIL: Wow, that's a really long ultrasound.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lendrick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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Saw a band last night...

I was telling my friend about a band I saw last night:

Me: "I saw a band last night"

Friend: "What band?"

Me: "The band is called 'Ultrasound'"

Friend: "Are they any good?"

Me: "Don't know, didn't hear a thing"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kok_Nikol
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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This happened tonight with my in laws

I officially became a dad tonight, so I guess these are official dad jokes now.

MIL: You haven't ate anything today, are you hungry?

Me: No, I'm Mick(my name)

Me and my FIL are the only ones who laughed :/

Another one my FIL hit me with, but I didn't know if it was for sure a dad joke.

Me: They couldn't tell from the ultrasound, that's why they told us the baby was going to be a girl.

FIL: Well, at least we know he has your genes

:(

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAPaddy
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Who’s the nicest guy at the hospital?

The ultrasound guy.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fawkemhall
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Who's the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Who is the second coolest man in hospital?

The hip replacement guy!

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahulnoronha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s the nicest person in a hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the coolest man in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Who's the nicest guy in a hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ignorethevoices
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is the coolest guy in the hospital?

The ultra sound guy

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kanenobaka
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Who's the coolest man in the hospital?

the ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychoCow1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Who's the coolest person in the hospital

The ultrasound guy

.........but when he's off sick, it's the hip replacent guy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is the nicest guy in a hospital?

The Ultrasound guy!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmaloy91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Who's the nicest guy in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kameshkii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Who’s the nicest guy in the hospital ?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsChilli
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultrasound guy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyNuggets
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Who’s the nicest guy in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Who's the coolest person in a hospital?

The ultrasound guy

Who fills in for him when he's away?

The hip-replacement guy

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyCarterUSM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2012
🚨︎ report

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