Hertz Puns

I bet they come back as Painless

My ear hertz.

I guess you could say I like being punished

The classic "Hertz U-Drive" skit by Abbott & Costello - "Bud Abbott: You don’t understand!! It’s Hertz U drive

Lou Costello: Well, if it hurts, you drive"

Back in the 90s, I remember playing some N64 after school when my dad came home from work. He comes into the living room and asks me what's up and, as a teen, I say "nuthin" and keep playing while he just stands there. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he's looking at me with a stupid grin on his face that's he's trying to suppress poorly. Finally, he asks me to pause the game. I turn to him and he asks "You want a Hertz donut?" I obviously know this joke, but to make it worse, he's already making a fist, ready at his side. I roll my eyes and say "No, I do not want a Hertz donut." He just relaxes his hand and says surprised "Oh, you don't? You sure?" I say I'm sure and he says okay and walks back out to his car, leaving me to return to my GoldenEye. A few seconds later, he comes strolling back in the room, with a box of a dozen donuts in his hand, while he's eating one, with the same stupid grin on his face. On the box of donuts, "Dunkin" has been crudely crossed out and Hertz written beneath it in Sharpie marker. He walks into the kitchen saying "Guess you won't be having these Hertz donuts!" I'm in awe. I follow him into the kitchen and he finally relents and lets me take a donut. I ask him "So, you bought these donuts, and just put this joke together on the way home?" He says he thought of the joke earlier in the day at work and had to buy the donuts for the bit. I start laughing hysterically thinking about him sitting at work itching to leave to pull this off. As we sit there, quietly eating these donuts, he breaks the silence with a mouth full of donut, with "Had to stop at CVS to pick up a Sharpie too." I almost choked on the donut jimmies.

TLDR: Dad offered a Hertz donut, should've taken him up on it.

My dad told me that back in his highschool days (1934), they would write Dick Hertz on the class sign-in sheet whenever they had a substitute teacher. Then when the sub read off the names on the list to find out who was who, no one would answer when the sub read that name, and so the sub would say "Who's Dick Hertz"? And of course, the class would crack up.

Dad: You kids ever had a donut from this place?

Us: No?

Dad says, "well I've got one right here for ya" and proceeds to playfully punch us in the arm while saying "hurts, don't it"?

kid: RERErRErerErRerererererEreRerrerereRrErrrErEre!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?
Dad: Calm down! My ears hertz!!!

A huge electricity bill.

It Hertz

I said, “That’s sound advice.”

It really Hertz

Harmonic Re-zone-ance

He said it Hertz.

... but people always tell me it Hertz

right where it hertz.

It hertz

Man gets hit by a rental car.

Says, “It Hertz.”

Me: well that Hertz :’(

It Hertz

Hertz don’t it.

"Shockingly, no matter how many times the experience cycles, it still always Hertz."

I lost and it still Hertz

"It Hertz!!!!"

It Hertz my ears.

Because it hertz.

That one hertz.

It hertz your eardrums

Unfortunately, it’s so bad that it hertz.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

8 Hertz

Free of charge.

Now my finger Hertz.

Culture shock

My head hertz!

I had a dream that I was electrocuted. Even though I know it's not real, it still hertz.

Because it hertz your ears!

It Hertz

Listening to them hertz too much.

It hertz

Said everything Hertz

That Hertz.