If police pull over a U-Haul van

did they bust a move?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_m15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...

did he just bust a move?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Saw a cop pull over a U-Haul yesterday...

Guess he was trying to bust a move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chizzle10
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I hate U-Hauls

Every turn is a u-turn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrlaltdelmarva
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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The first U-Haul customer was probably a stripper.

Indeed, a true mover and a shaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LongneckBottles
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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How about that actor who played the role of a U-haul truck?

I heard his performance was moving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Did you hear about the new movie sponsered by u-haul?

The reviews were so-so, but the trailers look great!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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What's the difference between U-haul and Youtube?

What's the difference between U-haul and Youtube?

It's not cool if I rack up a bunch of hits with U-haul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pursuitofstumble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Heard while driving a U-haul to a family friend's house who works with my mom and lives quite a ways away...

Me: So [family friend] drives this all the way to work? Dad: No, she drives a smaller car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slimtoad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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What do cowboys use to move from state to state?

Yee-Hauls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iAmDrakesEyebrows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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Why do pirate ships go so fast?

Because they’re hauling booty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreedomDirty5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I was passed by a truck full of donkeys on my way home

It was really hauling ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurGeorge8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What does a cafeteria and a garbage truck have in common?

They're both Mess Hauls!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Why’d the donkey become a truck driver?

Because he haul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoppaSquatt2010
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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My friend opened a tailor shop that also is a moving service...

She hems and hauls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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I heard a story once about a train driver.

He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.

But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.

Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same sentence - the electric chair. He was asked again for his final meal, chose two bananas this time, and his sentence was carried out again.

And yet again, he didn't die. In fact, he was entirely unharmed. The state law remained the same, so he was let out again, where - somehow - he got another job with another train company. I guess it was the only job he was trained for (pardon the pun). Anyway, this time he did much better and worked hard to stay awake during his late shifts. But sure enough, eventually he slipped back in to old habits and this time killed five people - a family trying to free their dog stuck in the tracks.

Once again he faced a jury, once again they found him guilty and a judge sentenced him to the electric chair. This time he asked for 5 bananas, but the guard was wiley - he has read about this man and how he always had bananas before his sentence was carried out, and so this time (with a grin, it's said) he brought the train driver 5 apples instead. The guilty man plead and begged for bananas, but the guard claimed it was an honest mistake but too late to change now.

The man was lead for a third time to the electric chair. His head was wetted, his arms strapped in, and the guard eyed him with something between wonder and fear. Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. Surely this time the machine would do its job? With the process finished, the guard ran back into the room, only to find the man still alive and looking entirely healthy. "I do

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/homelesspancake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Saw a truck towing a horse trailer pulled over by the police

Must have been hauling a$$.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mullet0ver
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Why am I banned from owning a truck and a donkey at the same time?

I was hauling ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ledabmann
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Dadjokes at the bar

I was sitting at a moderately crowded bar last night enjoying dinner when an older couple came up and sat next to me. We exchanged hellos and I continued eating my jambalaya. After a bit, the husband finally knew what he wanted to drink.

Husband: "Do you have (so and so) beer?"

Bartender: "Hang on a sec, I'll check."

As the bartender walked away, the husband held both of his arms in the air, closing his hands into fists right above his head, a la Steve Holt. After about 30 seconds, and you could tell she really didn't want to, the wife asks what he's doing.

Wife: "Honey, why are your arms in the air?"

Husband: "I'm hanging on."

The wife rolls her eyes and I laugh inappropriately loudly. He grins.

So at this point, the joke has been made. It's over. But no! He's in it for the long haul. He kept his arms in the air for a solid 3 more minutes, just so the bartender could get in on the joke. She returns with his bottle of beer.

Husband: "Can I stop hanging on now?"

Bartender groans.

Wife: "Yes, please."

I admire his dedication. And his taste in beer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toews4pres
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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After surgery, I made these two little gems in the recovery room
  1. I asked my blood type ( genuinely didn't know it). When they said A Positive, I mused, "that must explain why I'm such a positive guy.” ( got a pretty good chuckle from those in the room)

  2. They realized I didn't need oxygen and hauled the tank out of the room. I uttered, "tanks for nothing!" (got a bigger chuckle)

Not the greatest puns ever, but not bad for just coming out of general anesthetic :)

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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I saw a mail truck pulled over today on the way home.

He must of been really hauling the mail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzybuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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More power to them...

Helped my son move and left the U-Haul back door open when empty; didn’t want to tempt anyone from thinking something was in it. He said what if they steal the light?

More power to them I said.

I didn’t even catch my own joke. He had to point it out. He’s got a great future ahead of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TxRam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I was speeding while towing a load of donkeys.

Naturally I got pulled over. When the officer asked me "Do you know why I stopped you today?" I replied....

"Because I was hauling ass?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inarus06
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, β€œI bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.

What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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x-post from /r/talesfromretail. Customer was classic /r/dadjoke material.

I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.

Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.

So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.

C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?

Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to $xxx.xx.

C: Do it

Fuck, he's one of these guys...

Me: Alright then, I just need a name and signature on this disclaimer we have.

At this point, I've taken their phone and am prepping to work on it.

C: Do I have to use my real name?

PAUSE Now, over the 2+ years I've worked here, I have never heard this question. So I was kind of taken by surprise by it. For a minute, I thought he was one of those paranoid people. PLAY

Me: Um.. Well I guess you don't have to. It's preferred since we can look you up in our system faster later.

C: Oh ok.

I turn back around and start to use my tools on the phone when customer guy throws me another curve ball question.

C: Can my daughter still play the piano when this is done?

I manage to turn and see him smirking a little and go back to his serious poker face so I pick up that he's joking.

Me: Well I would hope so. Slight laughter

C: Oh ok great! She's never even touched one before so it's good to hear her skill won't change in the slightest.

I'm on the verge of outright laughing at this point. I manage to hold it back and finish my repair. I snap her grumpy cat case back on, hand her phone back when she mentions the home button isn't working.

Oh that's an easy fix

Me: Ah, don't worry. Give me one second and I'll have that fixed.

C: One. Try it now "Insert girls name"

Me: Haha well I haven't done what I need to yet.

I pull out a giant clear bag half full of spare parts.

**

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountBlah_Blah
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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I’m currently on a road trip with my girlfriend and saw a truck full of donkeys...

It was really hauling ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFamousMrRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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There was a train operator who had a really bad temper.

There was a train operator who had a really bad temper. Nobody liked him. He would always bark at people and be aggressive towards them. One day an 18 year old girl tried to get on his train near its departure time, but being the man he was, he started moving the train, she fell under it and died. The man was immediately hauled off to court where he was sentenced to desth by electric chair. So they strapped him in and pressed the switch, but nothing happend. Baffled, they let him go. The operator thought long and hard about his actions and decided to improve his life. So when an old woman tried to get on his train near the departure time and seeing her, he waited for her to get on. Unfortunately she tripped, fell, and died. He was hauled off to court again and due to his past reputation, he was sentenced to death by electric chair again. This time when they pulled the switch he was shocked and he died.

Why did it work this time, but not the first time? The first time he was a bad conductor, but the second time he was a good conductor.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
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Why did the propane truck driver get a speeding ticket?

He was hauling gas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsonlyinternet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
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A car salesman is trying to sell a truck

A car salesman is trying to sell a truck, and finally someone comes onto his lot looking for a large work truck. The saleman greets the man, and the man immediately explains his need. The salesman directs him over to the truck. The man begins looking over this truck, scrutinizing ever detail. Eventually he turns to the salesman and says "the truck looks fantastic. Because i need to tow a lot of heavy equipment, i will not be buying the truck". The saleman is floored. "But sir, the truck has a wonderful engine, big enough to haul some of the heaviest of trailers and loads!" The man replies "yes, but theres just one small hitch".

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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Paul Ryan Puns

Paul Ryan is running for president. But after this, he'll be Paul Cryan.

His favorite color is Paul Cyan

He is Paul Tryan to become president

This post will make him Paul Diean

He read history about the Paul Mayan

On a plane, he is Paul Flyan

In Russia, he is Paul Spyan

He goes to the Maul Ryan

To go Paul Buyan

His favorite spice is Paul Cayenne

When he stares, heis Paul Eyean

For breakfast, he is Paul Fryan

On stilts, he is Paul Giant

When in trouble, he starts Paul Liean

When he watches memes, he is Lol Ryan.

His favorite is Paul Nyan

For dessert, he has Paul Piean

At this point, Im Paul Sighan

When he has rope, he is Paul Tiean

When curious, he is Paul Whyan

Or Paul Pryan

His new game is Ball Ryan

On the phone, he is Call Ryan

His daughter plays with Doll Ryan

When he trips, he is Fall Ryan

His house is the Ryan Hall

Again on stilts, he is Tall Ryan

His house has a Wall Ryan

Down south, you are Yall Ryan

When he makes bread, it is Paul Rysan

On a horse, he is Paul Ridan

In a fight, he is Brawl Ryan

When he loses he is Crawl Ryan

Or dead

When moving he uses a U-Haul Ryan

In the bathroom, he is Stall Ryan

I had a list with A LOT more. Help in diese comments!

EDIT: If he wins the election, he's Mr. President

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davidhasahead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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Dad hit us with this one on a road trip

Dad sees a semi truck hauling hay with a blown tire on the side of road

Dad: "Hay... that blows..."

Me: "Dammit, Dad..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wo0dles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2015
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My dad is the epitome of this subreddit, so I want to share one of his ultimate go-to stories:

When I was a young boy, I was playing in my front yard with my brother. A man in a van pulled up and asked us to help him find his puppy. My brother, being older and wiser, ran inside. I, however, fell for the prank and hopped in the van, eager to find the dog. The man became hostile and I quickly realized he was kidnapping me. I had to think fast. I was panicking.

"I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" I shouted loudly.

The man was unhappy, but took us to a gas station so that I could go. He grabbed my arm and looked me in the eyes and sternly said "If you're up to anything, I'll kill you! Don't say anything to anybody. You better come right back!"

I went into the bathroom and looked around. A window! I quickly scrambled on top of the toilet and popped the window open. I hauled myself up to the opening and began to pull myself out and to freedom when a hand grabbed my foot! It was the man! He began pulling my leg...

Just like I'm pulling yours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sparty_party
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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A jewelry appraiser's commute

My fiancΓ©e asked the appraiser if he took the train into work and he said "no way, the train takes me. I'd have to eat a whole bunch of Wheaties before I could haul something that big."

He also had three daughters. A diamond dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colinmacus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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Truck driver dad joke

Though usually dad jokes are groan-worthy puns, I think this fits the category as a very dad-like joke despite the lack of punnery:

I got a message from my truck driver brother-in-law, who says he's hauling "post holes and sailboat fuel" back home today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/et11robot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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The accidental dad joke master.

Our front door was open, I wasn't paying attention and a car drove by really fast.

Me: That car was hauling ass.

GF: Hehe. Hauling.

Me: What?

It was a U-Haul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theintention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Driving down the highway...

My parents and I are driving down the highway moving me to a new city. I have a lot of stuff, not enough to get a truck, yet too much for my car alone. My mom is leading in one car, my dad and I following in another. I see a wide load truck hauling a mobile home and tell my dad, "Look out for that house infront of us." His response...

"Oh please, your mother is not that fat"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jskoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2015
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Channeled my inner dad while moving a friend

We had put everything in the U-haul except pillows, blankets, and a couple of lamps. I grabbed the standing lamp in one hand and the desk lamp in the other and said to the moving party, "even though these are kinda bulky they are surprising light."

They responded with confused silence. After a moment my sister responded with, "ooohhhhh ha."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goodguyjack2
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
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I dad joked my husband pretty good the other day...

We were driving through a parking lot, and a truck pulling a u-haul was speeding towards us.

I said "Man, that truck is hauling!!"

He just rolled his eyes. I thought it was hilarious. I am my father's daughter after all...

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates, St. Peter is telling all the incoming souls that in order to gain access into heaven, they need to provide a solid account of how they died. After hearing Joe's story, St. Peter allows him in. The next man in line says that he was tanning in the sun, drunk, on the roof of his apartment building when he fell off, only to catch hold of a window sill that could have saved his life, until a crazed bastard beat his fingers and threw a refrigerator onto him. St. peter tells him that he's a shoe-in. And when he asks the next guy in line how he ended up deceased, the guy replies, "...So I'm naked in a refrigerator, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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I was walking through the garden center when

I saw a lady who worked there hauling a pallet of citrus trees marked 75% off.

I asked her, "What's wrong with these, are they Lemons?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xerobull
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...

Did he bust a move?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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I just watched a cop pull over a U-Haul.

He was trying to bust a move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He wanted to bust a move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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Why did the policeman pull over the U-haul?

He wanted to bust a move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redribbonrider
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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A truck full of donkeys passed me on the highway

He was really hauling ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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How do you move a moving truck?

U-Haul it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Ego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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