My wife during The Transporter: Oh look, it's Jason Stathamscope
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmewhyte
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a Transporter van.

Whenever I drive it I feel like Jason Statham.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine a form of public transportation where there is no monetary fee but you relive past mistakes for as long as you are a passenger
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0LL3CT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Egyptian Council Leader: the public transport in Cairo is terrible.

Egyptian Transport Secretary: We need a new bus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the preferred mode of transport for the wizard of Oz?

The Oscar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lead_the_leader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a business focused solely on transporting Capra aegagrus hircus. We'll have slings, bags, and more.

It's called Totes My Goats!

(Capra aegagrus hircus is the scientific name for goats)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Three groups of people were travelling

A group of English folks, a group of French and a group of Spaniards.

They all needed to get to Germany, but couldn't agree on a mode of transport.

So the English drove, the French took the train and the Spanish flew.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlassDeviant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a werewolf's favourite mode of transport?

A lunar cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/colour_of_cows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A large truck transporting wigs and toupees has crashed on a major highway sending its cargo everywhere.

Police are still combing the area.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a musician's favorite method of transportation?

Debussy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to get broomstick to be a more popular mode of transport,

But that's just witchful thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a dog's favorite mode of transportation?

A waggin'.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do drugsdealers transport there drugs?

They take the highway.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Why did the coal worker get arrested on a road trip with his co worker?

He was transporting a miner

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natrickshwazey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend for some exercises I could do while commuting on public transport.

My friend asked me what I was train...ing for

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Filthydogg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What's an equestrian's favorite mode of transportation?

A Horsche

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Courtesy of Transport for Greater Manchester. May require minor football knowledge..
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchipelagoMind
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Earlier today a prison transport collided with a cementtruck

The police is now on the look-out for five hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a slugs favorite mode of transportation?

A Snailboat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheClassicKidTV
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?

A BITEcycle.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshuaFnBoyer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If Transformers was about Spanish transportation

Would it be a fight between the autobΓΊs and deceptaviΓ³n?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dethmstr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
You may think philosophers are more helpful than archaic forms of transportation,

but I think you're putting Decartes before the horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abeannis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Regular Delivery!

My job is transporting envelopes and packages from place to place, but I'm not sure I want to make it a courier.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Dead crows

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) found over 200 dead crows on U.S. Highway 281 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by cars.

TxDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorcycle kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semujin
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call 5 cents in a water transport mechanism?

Pump-a-Nickel

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onesyboy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What is Harry Potter’s favourite mode of transportation?

Walking............... JK Rowling

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eluceadtenebras
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
transportation related body part puns idea list

Examples

Shoebaru , Subaru Mitsufeetshi , Mitsubishi Legsus, lexus Merceknees bends, Mercedes Benz.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXduyasseneXx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
🚨︎ report
If there is a country that has rollercoasters as the main method of transportation, what is it called?

Coaster Rica

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coh_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Get it? 5th grade science meymey
πŸ‘︎ 611
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-STRANGER-_-
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Hannibal use to transport his army's equipment across the alps?

The elephant of supplies.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodMonster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
What does the transport of large river-dwelling mammals have in common with the father of modern medicine?

They're both Hippocrates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WarrenWaters
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Busy transport really brings people together.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I just got a job transporting ladders.

I'm really moving up

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digitalbore
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
100 years ago everyone had horses and only the rich had cars. Now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.

The stables have turned.

πŸ‘︎ 922
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a pot dealer’s favorite mode of transportation?

A canna-bus.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coal_the_slaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you transport Chiquita products?

cause you're driving me bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoNotCool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
The tour guide says...

...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.

Me: That's a Segway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dlveazie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy Halloween! What's a zombie's favorite form of transportation?

Traaaiiiiiiinnnnns!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Buffalo Transportation

I was driving on the highway towards Buffalo, NY with my dad, and we passed a small car that said "Buffalo Transportation." I said to my dad, "There's no way they can transport any buffalo in that thing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcballer126
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
🚨︎ report
What's a mathematician's favourite mode of transport?

A RhomBus!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExplosiveLlama
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
🚨︎ report
You may think philosophers are more helpful than archaic forms of transportation,

but I think you're putting Decartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abeannis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report

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