Vans ON the wall
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Yesterday I purchased a world map and put it on the wall in the kitchen
I gave my wife a dart and said:" Throw this and, wherever it lands, i'll take you there for a holiday."
Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I took some money off the wallβ¦
Now I hear my roommate saying, "Where's wall dough?"
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︎ Jan 02 2021
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
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︎ Jun 27 2020
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
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︎ Nov 24 2020
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
What did the painting say to the wall?
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︎ Dec 01 2020
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I saw a midget climbing down the prison wall the other day
It was a little condescending
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.
βWhat are you doing, dad?β
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
βNot much, just feeling board.β
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︎ Sep 16 2020
why did the hunter shoot the map on the wall?
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︎ Oct 14 2020
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
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︎ Oct 03 2020
Just found this store by chance called Ollieβs. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
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︎ Aug 29 2020
What is a guy with no arms, no legs, to the wall?
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︎ Sep 13 2020
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...
She said βwhat are you doing? What is that noise?β
I said βIβve been screwing around behind your back.β
She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.
I found it way more entertaining then she did.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I have an Irish friend with a great personality that always bounces off the walls.
His name is Rick OβShea.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Why is it wrong to punch the wall when youβre frustrated?
The wall has never been anything but supportive.
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︎ Mar 05 2020
While waiting in the lobby of a Chinese restaurant, Don was admiring a painting on the wall of a Chinese sailing vessel and said to his friend Mike: βIsnβt that a great looking ship?β Mike replied:
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Found guilty on all charges, the train couldn't rationalize his off-the-wall behavior.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.
And I thought to myself, well thatβs a little condescending.
sorry itβs a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment
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︎ Jul 17 2020
just a nether brick in the wall
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︎ Feb 29 2020
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone Iβve ever known.
Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.
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︎ Aug 05 2020
The little fish bumped into a wall while swimming up stream
. . . and exclaimed, "Dam!"
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︎ Jul 24 2020
now i understand why i hate The Wolf of Wall Street movie
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︎ Apr 04 2020
Most people know that after swimming into a wall the fish said "Dam!" But what did the dam say?
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︎ Jun 09 2020
You guys heard about one with the really high wall?
I would share, but you'd never get over it.
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︎ Jul 07 2020
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
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︎ May 19 2020
What did the fish say when it hit a brick wall?
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall?
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︎ Dec 04 2020
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
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︎ Nov 07 2020
What did the wall say to the painting?
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︎ Dec 01 2020
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
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︎ Oct 21 2020
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
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︎ Oct 02 2020
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall
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︎ Sep 12 2020
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
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︎ Sep 02 2020
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I just saw a dwarf climbing down the wall of a prison.
I thought to myself... βthatβs a little condescendingβ.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
Did you here about the dwarf climbing over the wall to escape prison?
He fell!
It was a little condescending.
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︎ Aug 28 2020
What did fish say when it hit the wall?
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︎ Aug 13 2020
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
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︎ Jul 11 2020
What did the fish say when it hit its head on the concrete wall?
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︎ Apr 25 2020
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