Why can pirates never finish the alphabet?
Because they always get lost at C.
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
Why do pickles never take the stairs?
When I write down the alphabet I never get past the letter "I"
I guess that's where I draw the line.
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
Why did the vegetable never meet his father?
Because he had a dead beet dad.
The problem with parasites is that they never shut up.
I can’t stand all the Tick Talk.
I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party and she was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate...
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
We should have known this year was gonna suck. We were never gonna end the year as winners. The writing was on the wall. At the end of the year, we should have known we'd be facing the truth-
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
Why couldn't the Macaw and the Bull never produce any offspring?
It would've created a parrot-ox.
Never take the p out of a pirate.
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
You know why just the head of a statue never sells well?
Because it's just a bust.
and the world may never know
My son has a teacher who never farts in front of the class
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..
..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.
I never really knew my dad. Mom said he would be out at the bank all night.
She said he was a real loaner.
Where is the customer never right?
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
Why do the French never have two eggs for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.
Why could the actor never read their lines from cue cards?
Because they kept trying to read between the lines
Conspiracy theorists will never be able to find the true story of the coronavirus' origins...
I can never remember the Roman Numerals for 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500...
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from
I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails
So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC
What do you call the love between two people that never engage in sexual activity and love eating a lot?
I’ll never forget the last thing my late grandfather said to me.
I'll never forget my old man's last words before he kicked the bucket:
"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
"Egg-plant" shirt by me. Never got why the vegetable was called that until I found out that they used to be white and look like goose eggs back in the day
I would like to start doing Yoga but I can never find the time to.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
Violins is never the answer
Why do people never get hungry at the seaside?
Because of the sand-which is there
What is that 1 memory that the computer will never forget?
I can never tell the truth when I'm in bed...
Because once I've made the bed, I have to lie on it.
When typing a word-play joke, I never put extra spaces on the left.
I’d never let my children watch the orchestra.
There is too much sax and violins in it
I will never forget the last thing what my late grandfather told me.
I'll never forget the last thing my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket.......
He said: "Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
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