A list of puns related to "The Gum"
It was stuck to the chicken's foot
He got stuck in Orbit.
Because they like ex-spearmints.
It was called Smells Like Green Spearmint.
Eu-clipped-us!
Cause it was a chew chew.
I got a daughter otw, and the gf got me a book of dad jokes, more to come!
The flosso-raptor.
One's a felon feeling glum, and the other is a feline felling glum
You pick it up and shake the crap out of it
Bubble gum
"See ya later said the blind man!"
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.
The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...
ahem...
Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.
Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.
Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.
The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.
That's the theory, at least.
Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.
Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out
... keep reading on reddit ➡So a bus conductor in America was doing his job one day, happily printing and checking tickets all day long, enjoying the country views and feeling good about life.
A young lad gets on, chewing gum and being as loud and rude as all teenage lads are. There’s no-one else on the bus, so the conductor takes his ticket machine and bops the lad over the head, killing him. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.
He gets his job back and puts the whole incident behind him. Until one day, a little old lady gets on the bus and starts to pay for a ticket in one cent coins. After about 10 minutes of fiddling with change, the conductor runs out of patience and bops the old lady on the head, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.
After getting his job back again, life seems to go well for the conductor, until one day a young lady gets on the bus, casually putting her feet on the seat opposite. By now, the conductor is a little less lenient than in years gone by, so he takes his ticket machine and bops her over the head with it, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards ar
... keep reading on reddit ➡One goes CHOO-CHOO and the other goes SPIT THAT GUM OUT!
Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.
Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!
Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.
Moral: All of Hing’s courses, and all of Ming’s kin; couldn’t make gum tea re-feather a hen!
Dentist: "So any new health problems I should know about?"
Me: "My gums have been pretty sensitive recently."
Dentist: "Okay, I'll try not to talk about them."
The dental assistant and I rolled our eyes and groaned at the same time, while my dentist kept laughing.
But whenever he finishes a piece he just spits it on the ground. I'm always embarrassed whenever he does this in public and people stare.
It's a dad-gum shame
Whenever I buy beer I always pick up a pack of gum and then set both on the counter. When the cashier asks me for an ID I respond, "You have to be 21 to buy gum?"
So the young guys at work (they are about 26) left some sugar free chewing gum on their desk while they were outside working, so I grabbed a couple sticks of gum. When they came back inside I told them that I took a couple pieces of gum since the had Extra...
Moans and groans were heard
Dad "What's the difference between a teacher and a train when it comes to gum?"
I thought long and hard and couldn't figure it out. "I don't know."
Dad "A teacher won't let you chew any gum, but a train says "Choo Choo!"
When buying one pack of gum along with regular groceries. Cashier: Would you like the gum out? Dad: No, leave it in its wrapper.
Last night my mom was telling me about how my parents' dog started eating a whole pack of gum it found on the floor, but (miraculously) gave up. There were teeth marks on the package, but no punctures.
Dad: And you know what she was thinking when she couldn't get through the package?
Me: No, what?
Dad: "Blasted! Foiled again!"
We were talking about people being really dumb, and I said "they are so dumb, they probably can't even walk and chew gum at the same time", to which my friend (who will make a fantastic father soon) said "I don't know if I can walk and chew gum at the same time, I've never trident"
So I'm at work and my shift manager has gum in her hair.
Shift: How did this gum get in my hair? I think someone must have put it there.
Me: Looks like someones really gumming for you.
I was promptly sent to the back to do dishes.
It was stuck to the chickens foot
He's stuck in orbit.
Because it got stuck on the chicken’s foot.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.