My grandson was taken to the hospital because he swallowed a $5 bill
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...
So I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon!’ card.
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
Why is Bill Clinton playing the Saxophone now trending on YouTube?
It’s because of the Al Gore Rhythm.
BR EAK ING NE WS....'Bill Gates has agreed to pay for the finishing of Trumps Wall."
(on the condition he gets to install Windows in it)
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
Bill Clinton's VP could have won in 2000 if he had found the right flowchart
But he just wasn't using the right Al Gore-ithm
As I was leaving the vet’s office, he said “Here is the bill..
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.”
How did Bill Cosby describe the massive earthquake in the Grand Canyon?
“There was a schism in the chasm.”
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
What do you call a woman who throws all of her bills on the fire?
My son was washing some dollar bills the other day
He said it was money laundering
The Dalai Lama hands over a $10 bill, and asks for his change.
The man behind the counter says, "No, change must come from within".
What do you call the anime bill of rights?
Why can't you pass a bill in the stables?
What was the dollar bill’s biggest fear?
I don’t understand why the thief who stole my currency collection took all the bills but left all the coins.
It was a cents-less crime.
Bill Clinton hiding in the Bushes
Just opened my electric bill and my water bill at the same time.
I was completely shocked.
My gas bill is through the roof this month!
I hope next time he goes back to using the letterbox
A guy came into the bar to order a glass of Coca-Cola's first diet drink, saying to put it on his bill.
In college I was so broke I couldn’t afford the electricity bill
Those were the darkest days of my life
When the US first conceptualized the $100 bill they were thinking of putting the face of Jesus, as his ability to come back to life was greater than any wealth.
It would've been the 1 undead dollar bill
My new business failed miserably, I was selling T-shirts featuring glow in the dark dollar bills
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.
Once I was so broke I couldn't even pay the electricity bill.
"Hey, I'm Bill." "Well! I'm Bill as well." "Then I guess we are the Bills."
"Hmm. Then who's gonna pay us?"
The other day I was walking down the street and I commented that I like someone’s spunky shoes. 10 minutes later I passed her again and she gave me a $5 bill she found on the ground.
That’s karma in real life
Bill, the weatherman: “Today’s weather forecast will be two beans in a tomato, meat sauce.”
Anchor: Bill, what on earth are you talking about?
Bill: It’ll be a little chili.
George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.
In that sense, he was on the money.
I just got my doctors bill for the bowel prep before my colonoscopy
$150??!!!
Man, that shit was expensive!
Wow, I lived during the time Bill Gates was alive
I can't wait to tell that to people a thousand years from now!
What’s the difference between coronavirus and Bill Cosby?
Coronavirus doesn’t like kids
Why did the programmer get a huge telephone bill?
Because his program was CALLING a lot of subroutines.
Why are bill in the bank stored separately?
Because they want to be a loan
I received an unexpected bill from the doctor for fixing my leg...
I realized this is America and I oh-ed.
Last night, me and the boys snuck onto the farm and went around feeding the cows $5 bills.
I do love me some cow tipping.
I knew a guy who wore a hat with an extra long bill. He said it was to protect his nose from the sun. I asked him why is that?
He said....
No one likes a brown nose.
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
In college I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
In college, I was so broke that I couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
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