One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake.
He turned to see a little girl struggling in the broken ice in the middle of the lake. She'd been skating and had fallen into the icy water. Without a moment's hesitation the tramp ran onto the ice and slipped and slided over to the little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and he carried her back to the road.
He took off his coat and wrapped the little girl in it and began looking for a car to flag down. A few moments later a huge chauffeur-driven limo pulled up, and who stepped out but the little girl's father - the mayor of the nearby town and a multi-millionaire.
"How can I ever thank you sir?" says the father after putting his daughterinto the warmth of the limo.
"Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man."
"Ahem, well ..." stammered the tramp "...eh I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out"
"Certainly" says the girl's father and he pulls out his wallet.
"Oh dear" says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten dollars - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe"
"No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten dollars is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that will be plenty".
"Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money?"
"Oh that's easy" says the tramp "I've not had a rest in 20 years. I think I'll buy myself a holiday"
"Well good luck" says the father, and he gets into the car and signals his chauffeur to drive home.
"Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday.
He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk.
"I'll have one holiday please!"
"Ahem, which holiday would sir like" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile.
"Oh, any holiday I don't mind" replied the tramp.
"Well how much money does sir have to spend on sir's holiday?"
"Oh lots - anything up to ten dollars"
"TEN DOLLARS!! You'll never get a holiday for ten dollars" says the girl incredulously.
"Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do?"
"Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check"
The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement -
... keep reading on reddit ➡True story:
Took my stepdad to dinner at Cracker Barrel with my mom and gf on Father's Day. There was an advertisement on our table for a birdbath they were selling in the store part of the restaurant.
Mom (seeing that it was $49.95): "I wonder how big that birdbath is?"
Gf: "I think it's about this big" (holds arms in a circle indicating about 18 inches around)
Mom: "That's actually not a bad deal"
Stepdad: "Well, yeah, but where are the birds gonna get fifty bucks?"
o.o
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
I feel like I don’t have enough for mermaids, unicorns other creatures etc. Here are the ones I already have...
Basic witch
Spell the tea
Demons are a ghouls best friend
Little black magic dress
The ghoul next door
Squad ghouls
Witch and famous
Resting witch face
Be careful what you witch for
Witch me luck
Witchful thinking
Make love not warlock
Be afraid, be fairy afraid
A good shaman/talisman is hard to find
Do you really wand to hurt me
Black cat got your tongue
But of curse
Safe hex
Group hex
Big girls don’t scry
It’s my party and I’ll scry if I want to
Trickbait
Fright club
You used to call me on my shell phone
New shellpone, who dis?
Hey, I'm a mermaid and this is crazy, but here's my conch shell, so call me maybe
Yeah the buoys
Don’t krill my vibe
This is boo sheet
Give em pumkin to talk about
Howl you doin’
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern
Witch, please
Witch better have my candy
Boo Felicia
Romeo and Ghouliet
Cereal killer
Bun in the coven
Summer coven’
Boo-ty sleep
How do you boo?
Creep calm and carry on
What ghost around, comes around
No rest for the wicca’d
I’ll have what banshee’s having
Zombodie that I used to know
Sugar dead-y
Wicca’d stepmother
Smells like teen spirits
The only hexception
Neck-romancer
Abracadaver
That’s what’s banshee said
Dead Flanders
Matt Demon
Icy dead people
Purranormal activity
Straight outta coffin
Congrats to the bride and broom
Let’s get sheet faced
Let’s talk about hex, baby
Hex on the beach
Netflix and kill
Silk Satan sheets
I’m literally dying
Ghost Malone
Broom hair, don’t care
Happy Hallowine
Look what you made me brew
Deja boo
Practice safe hex
Boo berry muffins
There will be hell toupee
Boo lagoon
Coffin up blood
Salty witch
Over the moonicorn
All bayou self
Bad neck-romance
Boy necks door
Allergic to fairy
You’re so vein
Bats and bobs
All you can eat Buffy
Owl put a spell on you
Faboolous
Zombae
Oh my goth!
Ghoulboss
Bone appetit
Love you to the tomb and back
Dead & breakfast
Séayoncé
I Ouija love
