credit to the bbc for this (possibly accidental?) pun!
πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctorgreenwolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Accidental pun - Found on a poster for the upcoming 'Apollo 11' movie.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrmongoose64
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My sister made an accidental pun and my father took the bait

Sister (about bites she found on my niece in our family group text chat): it's fleas, I just found one biting her. I'm effing ticked!

Father: no, you're flea'd, not ticked, duh.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlaysWithF1r3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
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[Accidental Dad Joke] My kids were complaining about how the oranges we bought smelled, so I smelled them.

I said, "They don't smell bad, just not very appealing."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2016
🚨︎ report
The accidental dad joke master.

Our front door was open, I wasn't paying attention and a car drove by really fast.

Me: That car was hauling ass.

GF: Hehe. Hauling.

Me: What?

It was a U-Haul.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theintention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sat on glass and the shattered glass went in my butt.

It was a real pane in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artisticspawm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..

Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick

She still isn't talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 715
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you accidentally miss the exit for your camp ground?

Past-tents

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...

I don't think anyone is shocked.

(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the artist who gave up on his uncompleted drawing after accidentally breaking his pencil?

Apparently, there was no point to continue drawing the picture

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally used the wrong straw in my wife’s water bottle and broke it. She asked me to show her. I said...

This is the straw that broke the Camelback

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassMan2511
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sat on a campfire the other day

It was the most ember assing thing that has ever happened to me

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rustyironbuckets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 446
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAvacadoBandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
While replacing an electrical outlet, I accidentally stabbed myself with one of the wires.

And for a brief moment, I had a connection with the house.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/das_bic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.

I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Like8catsbro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Instead of water, I accidentally put RedBull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning.

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally stepped on my cats tail. The cat jumped, and I ended up kicking the table pretty hard. β€œOuch!” I yelled

β€œYOU, ow?” The cat replied in disbelief. β€œME-ow”

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keller_rado
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed the cat’s pill.

Don’t ask me-ow.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash

That's what I call clean energy

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcschnazz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If you were to accidentally drop your waffle at the beach, it would most likely happen in...

...San Diego.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThroneDiscs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.

The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?

A mooborn!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Singular1st
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,

I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichiMichu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning instead of getting the Vodka bottle I accidentally got the water bottle

I started freaking out thinking that I lost my taste

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psikomanjak
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally hit my dog in the nose today

It was a real boopsie-doodle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theOPAorb
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when Peppa Pig accidentally walked into the meat grinder?

Peppa-roni.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles

And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawt_SPICY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...

...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...

That was a royal pane in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The delivery guy accidentally got us 3 extra bags of flour

They were not kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chocolava
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...

I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.

I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally put my wallet in the freezer last night.

Was a good job really, I needed some cold hard cash!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy was having sex in the ocean with his girlfriend when he accidentally came on a dolphin

Turns out He did it on porpoise 🐬

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnbobbitlol
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Just read an article about a frozen cave man found accidentally by hikers in the Himalayas..

They found himalayan in the ice..

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r00ski5
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.

I did not see that one coming.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction

πŸ‘︎ 571
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.

My dreams have never been clearer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoisapotato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in the mafia I was working as a welder on the side, one day I accidentally welded two crucifixes together.

My boss is going to be so mad when he finds out about this double-cross.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer who accidentally gave his cattle edibles before inspection?

The steaks had never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Testacleez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally broke my most expensive bottle of booze in the house!

Luckily, I was able to fix it with my scotch tape!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
a:) accidentally broke one of the earths layers!

b:) which one?

a:) dismantle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geeth707
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone accidentally mailed me 10 lbs of pot yesterday. So I did the right thing and called the cops.

They just came by and picked up all 4 pounds.

πŸ‘︎ 349
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was helping my family to clean up after dinner today.

I walked into the kitchen to put some things away. I had some used silverware in one hand, and a tub of butter, a bag of cheese, and a pouch of sour cream in the other. I approached the sink to put the silverware inside when I accidentally dropped the tub of butter on the ground. My sister, who was at the sink at the time, looked at me and said: "That doesn't go there!" I picked up the tub, looked at her, and said:

"Sorry. Butterfingers."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NateGetsHate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally played 'Dad' instead of 'Dead', when the bear attacked.

Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day my wife asked me for her lipstick and I accidentally passed her a gluestick.

She still isn't talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScocoPope
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.

Soon, it’ll be water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Accidentally swallowed the cats tablets...

Don’t ask me-ow.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barlow61
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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