credit to the bbc for this (possibly accidental?) pun!
Accidental pun - Found on a poster for the upcoming 'Apollo 11' movie.
My sister made an accidental pun and my father took the bait
Sister (about bites she found on my niece in our family group text chat): it's fleas, I just found one biting her. I'm effing ticked!
Father: no, you're flea'd, not ticked, duh.
[Accidental Dad Joke] My kids were complaining about how the oranges we bought smelled, so I smelled them.
I said, "They don't smell bad, just not very appealing."
The accidental dad joke master.
Our front door was open, I wasn't paying attention and a car drove by really fast.
Me: That car was hauling ass.
GF: Hehe. Hauling.
Me: What?
It was a U-Haul.
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
I accidentally sat on glass and the shattered glass went in my butt.
It was a real pane in the ass.
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..
Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick
She still isn't talking to me
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
What do you call it when you accidentally miss the exit for your camp ground?
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
Did you hear about the artist who gave up on his uncompleted drawing after accidentally breaking his pencil?
Apparently, there was no point to continue drawing the picture
I accidentally used the wrong straw in my wife’s water bottle and broke it. She asked me to show her. I said...
This is the straw that broke the Camelback
I accidentally sat on a campfire the other day
It was the most ember assing thing that has ever happened to me
If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.
Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.
While replacing an electrical outlet, I accidentally stabbed myself with one of the wires.
And for a brief moment, I had a connection with the house.
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.
I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.
Instead of water, I accidentally put RedBull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning.
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
I accidentally stepped on my cats tail. The cat jumped, and I ended up kicking the table pretty hard. “Ouch!” I yelled
“YOU, ow?” The cat replied in disbelief.
“ME-ow”
I accidentally swallowed the cat’s pill.
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash
That's what I call clean energy
If you were to accidentally drop your waffle at the beach, it would most likely happen in...
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,
I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.
This morning instead of getting the Vodka bottle I accidentally got the water bottle
I started freaking out thinking that I lost my taste
I accidentally hit my dog in the nose today
It was a real boopsie-doodle
What happened when Peppa Pig accidentally walked into the meat grinder?
My mom was working in the kitchen, and she accidentally broke some tiles
And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...
...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
The delivery guy accidentally got us 3 extra bags of flour
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
I accidentally put my wallet in the freezer last night.
Was a good job really, I needed some cold hard cash!
A guy was having sex in the ocean with his girlfriend when he accidentally came on a dolphin
Turns out He did it on porpoise 🐬
Just read an article about a frozen cave man found accidentally by hikers in the Himalayas..
They found himalayan in the ice..
I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.
I did not see that one coming.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.
My dreams have never been clearer.
When I was in the mafia I was working as a welder on the side, one day I accidentally welded two crucifixes together.
My boss is going to be so mad when he finds out about this double-cross.
Did you hear about the farmer who accidentally gave his cattle edibles before inspection?
The steaks had never been higher.
I accidentally broke my most expensive bottle of booze in the house!
Luckily, I was able to fix it with my scotch tape!
a:) accidentally broke one of the earths layers!
b:) which one?
a:) dismantle
Someone accidentally mailed me 10 lbs of pot yesterday. So I did the right thing and called the cops.
They just came by and picked up all 4 pounds.
I was helping my family to clean up after dinner today.
I walked into the kitchen to put some things away. I had some used silverware in one hand, and a tub of butter, a bag of cheese, and a pouch of sour cream in the other. I approached the sink to put the silverware inside when I accidentally dropped the tub of butter on the ground. My sister, who was at the sink at the time, looked at me and said: "That doesn't go there!" I picked up the tub, looked at her, and said:
"Sorry. Butterfingers."
I accidentally played 'Dad' instead of 'Dead', when the bear attacked.
Now it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.
The other day my wife asked me for her lipstick and I accidentally passed her a gluestick.
She still isn't talking to me.
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.
Soon, it’ll be water under the fridge.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Accidentally swallowed the cats tablets...
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